Afterlife Influencer Pillows

"I still maintain an online presence."

'...We apologise for any inconvenience this may cause..."

"Surgery up here is free!"

"All we have left is standing room only."

"We can't Sunday. We've been invited to 'you know who's' skybox."

'Of course homosexuality is not a sin, handsome.'

'I'm being sent back. I told you I have a great attorney.'

'What he said about judgement day is scary. Maybe we should find a good lawyer.'

"I honored her every request except for the last one: 'Harold, please stop making a scene'."

Get out of the way, Harold - I'm trying to talk to Cuddles.

'Stocks plummeted on news of your demise.'

"Before we decide if you can get in we have to watch a film review of your life..."

..and with our new spirit website you can keep in touch with all your dead friends!

"You're a physician? Let me ask you about a problem that I've been having."

"I must have pressed the wrong button."

"He really isn't bad, per se, but he is kind of a jerk."

"You run into a window, too?"

'Maximising shareholder value doesn't count.'

'You certainly lived a remarkable life. Any chance you'll get over yourself?'

"I was a primary school teacher. What did you do?"

A Male Angel throwing his Halo as a Frisbee for his Dog to catch.

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"As we're here for eternity, I expected at least a television."

"Did you really think you were getting in here?"

Postcards from Heaven...

Gates of heaven

"Oh nooo, we can't skip church. Why, we'll just sleep when we're dead!"

"Yes, this is heaven - but we need some source of funding, too."

Post-psychoanalysis

'Boy, that felt good! I can see why the devil has so much fun. And no, I'm not letting you in! But tell him I said hello.'

"No, you're going to hell - but you're welcome to check out the gift shop."

"We use the proceeds to help offset the cost of your eternal salvation."

'You still can't take it with you, but we now offer cloud storage for intellectual properties.'

"The last thing I remember was asking my broker if all my money had been in risk-free bonds."

"Hey! You were that old sourpuss who worked at the motor vehicles department!"