Afterlife Influencer Pillows

"I still maintain an online presence."

'...We apologise for any inconvenience this may cause..."

"Surgery up here is free!"

'Of course homosexuality is not a sin, handsome.'

"All we have left is standing room only."

"We can't Sunday. We've been invited to 'you know who's' skybox."

'I'm being sent back. I told you I have a great attorney.'

'What he said about judgement day is scary. Maybe we should find a good lawyer.'

"I honored her every request except for the last one: 'Harold, please stop making a scene'."

'Stocks plummeted on news of your demise.'

..and with our new spirit website you can keep in touch with all your dead friends!

"Before we decide if you can get in we have to watch a film review of your life..."

"I must have pressed the wrong button."

"You're a physician? Let me ask you about a problem that I've been having."

"You run into a window, too?"

'Maximising shareholder value doesn't count.'

'You certainly lived a remarkable life. Any chance you'll get over yourself?'

"I was a primary school teacher. What did you do?"

"As we're here for eternity, I expected at least a television."

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"Oh nooo, we can't skip church. Why, we'll just sleep when we're dead!"

Gates of heaven

"Did you really think you were getting in here?"

A Male Angel throwing his Halo as a Frisbee for his Dog to catch.

Postcards from Heaven...

"Yes, this is heaven - but we need some source of funding, too."

'Can't talk now, I'm just going into a tunnel.'

'You still can't take it with you, but we now offer cloud storage for intellectual properties.'

Post-psychoanalysis

"The last thing I remember was asking my broker if all my money had been in risk-free bonds."

'Listen, if they didn't have alcohol in heaven, it wouldn't be heaven!'

'Boy, that felt good! I can see why the devil has so much fun. And no, I'm not letting you in! But tell him I said hello.'