Affair Discovery Pillows

The wife couldn't bring herself to cut up all my clothes - so she ironed creases in all my jeans.'

'So who's it to be, Eileen - him or me?'

Lady of the house pregnant - "The butler did it."

"We'd better watch Cranston. He looks like a whistleblower."

Mission Kinda Accomplished

Talent, pluck, or plain dumb luck?

"It's not what you think."

Trilby - 'Confession

Minister of Foreign Affairs.

"Poor soul - he's been like that ever since he ran off with my wife..."

I was in a menage a trois...until she ran off with our marriage guide counsellor!

"When he stopped to smell the flowers, his wife found out whose flowers they were!"

"I was studying the dog's behaviour and had an epiphany! The more affection I fake, the more benefit I get. It's life transforming..."

Hipster Replacement

Run Off With The Bearded Lady.

'I love my wife, and I hate my mistress.'

"It's not you, Rob. It's just that things are moving a little too fast."

The two scariest words on Cuomo's cell caller ID, 'Ronan Farrow'."

"Shall I let your wife know you're home, or do you both like surprises?"

"You told me he was out of town! You wanted us to get caught, you sick bitch!"

Servant girl making an excuse to go out and see a soldier

"I've never asked Ralph, but I think there's another woman."

'You'll never believe it. I got replaced by a woman at work today.'

"The wife is out 3 evenings a week with her driving instructor. I wouldn't mind but she passed her test in 1983!"

Get ready for Brexit planning

"My hobbies are Celia, Irene, Trisha and Jane."

Rural Pleasures - Wife off with another man whilst husband sleeps

"Good God. My wife and my best friend."

'I've made a terrible mistake, Brian - The girls at work said he was great in bed, but he's just as useless as you!'

'What's wrong, haven't you heard of Global Warming?'

'Yes to an affair as long as it's eco-friendly.'

'Has the old bastard gone to sleep yet?'

"Surprise!"

'We've got stop seeing each other - my wife is getting suspicious!'

'We can't go on meeting like this. I'm missing all my soaps.'