Affair Analyzer Gifts

"Good God. My wife and my best friend."

"But can't I be feared and loved?"

"How to talk to people" "Make them rue the day"

"Even though I wasn't always perfect, I feel deep down that I am now."

"I decided to treat my employees like friends...now I hate all of them!"

"You're not at all like your answering machine."

Intelligent Sexual Design

'Of course I love her - but I'm not in love with her.'

"I wouldn’t go so far as to call Darren here an ‘imaginary friend’—he’s more of an imaginary acquaintance."

"Arrows won't work on him. Use a taser."

"I can't see it lasting!"

Minister of Foreign Affairs.

"You seem calm above the surface, but underneath I feel as if you're paddling like hell away from me."

"I love my unreliable narrator. You?"

Hypnotist - "You are going into a deeeep sleeep"

Lady of the house pregnant - "The butler did it."

'My wife ran off with my best friend...I really miss him.'

'According to a recent issue of 'psychology today', all your fears are well founded.'

"Poor soul - he's been like that ever since he ran off with my wife..."

"What do you mean, you didn't know I wanted a divorce? Don't you follow me on social media?"

"I have headaches, stomach, pains, aching muscles, back pains, creaking joints, nausea and dry eyes."

European Crisis management.

Run Off With The Bearded Lady.

"I was studying the dog's behaviour and had an epiphany! The more affection I fake, the more benefit I get. It's life transforming..."

"Alpha Male."

'To be honest, the only reason I don't leave her is because she takes my penalty points on her licence.'

Hipster Replacement

'I love my wife, and I hate my mistress.'

The wife couldn't bring herself to cut up all my clothes - so she ironed creases in all my jeans.'

"You told me he was out of town! You wanted us to get caught, you sick bitch!"

Man Locked in a Heart

Girl putting her toys in groups

"I've never asked Ralph, but I think there's another woman."

'You'll never believe it. I got replaced by a woman at work today.'

'It seems that he was too optimistic. His glass of water wasn't half full. Obviously, it was completely empty.'