Advice Dodgers Pillows

'Shouldn't you two be out looking for jobs?'

"Yeah, but that one's a little bit hard to reach."

Fear of news.

'Now,they're going to teach you to talk, but remember, after you learn how.stay away from religion or politics.'

"Wellness clinics, stress-management checkups, hypertension screenings, lab tests, crisis after crisis. Fibre foods, fish-oil capsules, unsaturated spreads, plaque. Say what they may, McCormack, we did it our way."

"For the last time - do not call me when I'm pretending to work."

'I won't be taking any more calls today. I threw my phone out the window.'

"Knowing two languages is sure handy when telemarketers call."

"I think I'll pass - I'm having a really bad-nose day."

"Can you send me a text so I can use it as a ruse to get out of this conversation?"

"Sorry, I'm afraid he can't come to the phone right now."

'I gained about two hours a day. I gave up the New York Times.'

"I've had custom reading glasses made that blot out the words 'brexit' and 'royal.'"

"Although my client was well aware of the falling crime rate, Your Honor, he chose not to be trendy."

Personnel. The gap in my resume is when I got turned out on my back for six months.

"If it's the ice princess, I'm not here."

"If you don't want to know the result of the united game then look away now"

"This case poses a very difficult choice... I know, coin toss!"

'No need to put my details in darlin'... You're the girl for me!'

'The person you called may be toying with the olive in her cocktail, please try again later.'

"If that's for me, tell them I'm in a meeting."

"I'm had a miserable day, so I'd appreciate it if neither of you mention politics, wildfires or COVID."

"How's your substitute history teacher, Baldo?"

Still going in circles. 'Told you so.'

Why men hate to stop and ask for directions.

Cone of Silence

"Yes, you've caught me at a bad time!!"

"Hey, can I call you back in about a nap and a half?"

"Hi, this is RFK Jr." "Who?" "I'm just calling to remind you I'm still running for president." "Oh. Ok, now you have a good time." "I'm also calling to remind you I'm available for speaking engagements at your large rally, small rally, bar mitzvah, or assorted car wash openings." "Would you like me to speak at your function?" "Oh no, that's all right. Don't worry about it."

'I'm eating right now. Can you call me back when I'm not eating?'

'I found I'm able to maintain my disposition by not watching any economic or employment news.'

'Maybe he doesn't want to know what's going on in the world.'

Other Walks of Shame

"We need to shelter him from all news about economic indicators!"

This Way/That Way