Advertising Investigator Gifts

"I even had commercials in my dream last night."

"So the plan is to fly everyone for free. But we'll charge $400.00 per bag."

The Future: "Sorry, but I have to show you an ad now."

'We want everyone to remember our name.'

"So, I see you have a background in advertising..."

Create some buzz!

If nobody had invented graphics

Creative department

"Technically he's a zombie but we'll market him as a hybrid."

'Which sounds better: 'now with MORE XZ100' or 'now with LESS XZ100'?'

Important Food Groups

US v.s. Tech Giants

'We interrupt this programme for a sex flash.'

"So let's roll up our sleeves and show that America still builds the world's greatest advertising."

'We've re-branded.'

'He's written some great slogans and some great labels, but he's never written a great coupon.'

Direct Marketing...

'Tomorrow's special is fish, so wear the flounder suit.'

The bad news is our boxer shorts are still bursting into flames. The good news is our brand recognition is through the roof

Tarzan has gone into advertising. He's king of the jingle now.

"Hire me and I'll bring in orders. Big orders. You're gonna need a bigger door."

"How's this for transparency: Our product isn't organic but our bullshit advertising it!"

"That's our new church mascot."

"Well, after ad school, our Timothy made a 6-second Ad that nobody saw."

'It's creative as hell! Now that you've got that out of your system, give me a campaign that will sell.'

"But some of my best ideas come while I'm in the litter box."

News for Sale

"The problem is that our ads have either been too Jewish or not Jewish enough."

'You're in luck - we do have a temporary position in advertising'.

"Did you ask the client about product placement?"

Honesty in retail

Eat Beef

Gerald Ratner's return

Actually, Mama was her third word. Buy Now were her first two.

Gullib-Os