Advertising Addict Pillows

"What we are looking for is some exciting advertising about our product."

I advertised In What Cow Magazine.

The Future: "Sorry, but I have to show you an ad now."

'We want everyone to remember our name.'

"So, I see you have a background in advertising..."

Create some buzz!

Creative department

"Technically he's a zombie but we'll market him as a hybrid."

'Which sounds better: 'now with MORE XZ100' or 'now with LESS XZ100'?'

Important Food Groups

"So let's roll up our sleeves and show that America still builds the world's greatest advertising."

'He's written some great slogans and some great labels, but he's never written a great coupon.'

The bad news is our boxer shorts are still bursting into flames. The good news is our brand recognition is through the roof

"Bill did the voice-over for this commercial."

"Hire me and I'll bring in orders. Big orders. You're gonna need a bigger door."

Tarzan has gone into advertising. He's king of the jingle now.

"Well, after ad school, our Timothy made a 6-second Ad that nobody saw."

"How's this for transparency: Our product isn't organic but our bullshit advertising it!"

'It's creative as hell! Now that you've got that out of your system, give me a campaign that will sell.'

Honesty in retail

The Invention of the Wheel

'You're in luck - we do have a temporary position in advertising'.

Gerald Ratner's return

News for Sale

Eat Beef

"The problem is that our ads have either been too Jewish or not Jewish enough."

"Did you ask the client about product placement?"

"Joe's cereal. NPR co-approved."

Actually, Mama was her third word. Buy Now were her first two.

Gullib-Os

Opp'y of a Lifetime

Advertising and PR Agency: 'I'm able to spin at 60 words per minute, hype at 50 words and distort at 45 words.'

"Here's the marketing department's solution."

'We're losing the mid-morning market. Let's put a hamburger in a glazed donut and call it brunch.'

"I must say Jeff, there's something about your personal brand that I find refreshing."