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Art of Surviving

"What the %@!!* is that?!" "Is that a leg? Wait—no, it's an arm. Wait—what?" "The frame is nice." "Whatever it is, it makes me miss Bob Ross." "Gasp!" "The intentionally lost Caravaggio"

'For God's sake give me some angst, how will I ever write a misery memoir?'

"I did seize the day. But then it seized me right back and used some kind of jujitsu move to flip me on my ass."

'Two men having a sword fight with large pen and pencil.'

"God help us, it's that guy."

"All in favor of telling Anderson about that thing stuck to his lip, say aye."

"You look like the kind of folks who laugh at adversity."

Stu just wanted to participate in the outdoor art class. . . alone. . . but Bob went ahead and invited himself anyway. . .

This next song is about facing your fears, which I'll be playing on the ukulele.

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A man jumps out of a window to avoid an injection.

'So, just how long were you at the School of Hard Knocks?'

Man reading magazine: 'International Procrastinator.'

'I can never do anything with my hair phobia.'

"It was at this point St. Paul felt like he could not catch a break!"

Uncomfortably open Mike night.

"I only grown them because her mother's allergic to them."

Bob had a lot to prove – which happens when you're wrong most of the time.

"Why Americans don't vote"

"I realized that she'd never overcome her shyness, so I had to let her go."

Idlewild.

"Have you talked to Baldo about girls lately?"

"You smell like wet cardboard."

'You've got to wonder what goes on in their heads...'

"I'm not sure I can make it next week."

'I don't take telemarketing calls during dinner time. Can I call you back during your dinner time?'

"Johnson gave it to Bradley to give to Webster to give to Adams..."

Well, I told you she fancied me!

D*mn it.

"You're a very interesting waiter, but don't you have any other tables to take care of?"

'Maybe we could save appendectomy scars until the second date!'

'At the end the tunnel, my parents were waiting to greet me. Mom looked nice, but as usual, Dad was walking around in his underwear. I nearly died.'

"He forgot to record his show, so he had to watch it live. 693 commercials in one hour was too much for him to handle."

"Bury your head in the paper, that's your anwser to everything isn't it?"