Adolescent Behavior Pillows

"Are you one of these youngsters who has a very short attention span?"

'From six to to eighteen, they're always at that age.'

"Son, you're old enough now for The Talk: everything you need to know about compound interest."

"The way he stacks those blocks, I see repression, some hostility, and a lot of dissatisfaction with his place in society."

'Well, Tommy, you've grown a foot since the last time I saw you!'

'No, that wasn't your mother calling to ask if you were okay. That was your mother calling to ask if I was okay.'

"I don't know why I worry...Baldo's just a normal boy. It's good to see him maturing...making friends...with nice girls...exploring new feelings...and desires.... You have to go home now."

"I hate you! You don't understand me and you don't understand my software!"

'Since we're being so honest, perhaps I should mention that I liked you better as an egg.'

'Isn't it time you started thinking about cars instead of horsie rides?'

"Allowance?! Yeah, if you take out the trash, I'll allow you to keep living here."

'We're the parents. What we say goes. . . In one ear and out the other.'

"Wings will be cool, I guess, but I'm mostly hoping the braces and pimples fall off."

"Well, I've come this close to asking out Sylvia Sanchez. But I'm just an average guy! Nothing about me says 'I'm cool! Look at me!'"

'Beware of the teenager.'

Teenage Angst.

'Dad, can I borrow the club tonight?'

'Of course I'm depressed. I've run out of places to pierce.'

'I called you in to talk to you about your son not being able to sit still.'

'These are very powerful tranquilizers for when your teen has he horrific tantrums. Take two of them anytime she flares up.'

'Not till you're sixteen.'

I'd like to request a transfer to a household offering a higher allowance and fewer choices.

"I don't know...but it seems like nothing ever changes around here. It's like we've been 15 years old forever!"

Pubertry

'That was quite a birthday party - we played full-contact spin-the-bottle.'

'And where have you been all day young lady? Your mother and I have been worried sick!'

"Oh come now, darling. When I was your age, I felt different, too."

'… and another thing … the only reason you know it's my birthday to begin with, is because we were all born on the same day!'

"All this running around you do at night … it’s killing your mother."

"So what's your definition of 'love'?"

Kids' energy levels

"How about you slap me on the wrist and I neither admit nor deny any wrongdoing."

"I was 13 once. It was hard."

Carole Jean's First "Big Girl" Heels

"MOM! Connor got all tangled up in his keychain lanyard again!"