Addiction Management Gifts

'I gave up smoking - now I'm on 20 patches a day!'

'He really wanted to get into the zombie role, so he became a Meth-Head actor.'

Screen Time vs Book Time

'They help with my nicotine patch addiction.'

"Maps to stars' rehab centers."

Substance Abuse Seminar: How Not To Get Hooked!

Bear who goes drinking instead of hibernating

Luck is when good classroom management skills meets a day when distruptice students are absent.

'This patch is to quit smoking...this patch is to quit drinking...this patch is to quit drugs...this patch is to quit coffee...and this patch is to quit having any kind of fun whatsover!'

"... ad that's when I got into the harder stuff, biscotti."

He was out in no time, with a new outlook and a clean slate.

'I see you've managed to cut your coffee consumption in half.'

"Just think of all the cigarettes I could have smoked."

'I see the rebranded mobile methadone project got underway.'

"They took my pellets, man, I been hitting' that lever al day, they took my PELLETS!"

"Apparently, he had occasional sober periods."

'Now I understand why people want to give them up.'

Opioid Epidemic

Thanks to hypnosis, he quit smoking cold-turkey. Everyone seemed real supportive until he came strutting into work, half-naked, gobbling incoherently.

'Since he stopped smoking, he doesn't know what to do with his mouth.'

'Our new multi-syringe will take care of all your allergies in one fell swoop.'

' I can't drink that..I'm a recovering alcoholic ! '

Codependipity.

'You're meant to take off the old nicotine patches before putting on a new one!'

Don't you think you've had too many drinks?

'I hope you can reform his addiction to computers!'

A man tries to avoid going over the waterfall of alcohol dependence.

"Well, last year I kicked gambling. . . the odds are 3 to 1 the New Year will be a good one."

"We need to break your addiction to prescription drugs. Let's see if this prescription helps."

Lab Rat Rehab...

"Refresh my memory-why do we meet once a week?"

Breathe-aholics Anonymous: 'Hi, my name is Glen, and I've been clean and sober for over one minute.'

'I remember when you were this high!'

'I'd like to quit drinking, but it's all I KNOW!'

'My job is safe. This guy is a regular and he drinks to forget.'