Adage Fan Gifts

"I can't see the food for the peas."

They try, but those crows can't make noises they used to. The lost caws!

''Raining cats and dogs' is just a phrase, Alix.'

'Rabbits make great pets, but it's best to have them one at a time.'

'Man...You age great!'

"Wow, what a DILF."

Real Estate Krisp Flakes: Location! Location! Location!

Two vending machines for fisherman: 'Live Bait' next to 'Dead as a Doornail Bait'

"He's got a great future behind him!"

"It seemed bigger in the brochure."

Aren't all gifts free?

"By now, you've probably noticed that around here, money talks and you-know-what walks!"

"Old Jack Frost nipping at your nose, eh?"

"Now...this piece of paper will reveal even more."

"This one is very popular one. Ben Bernanke repeating over and over, 'the economy is going to be okay'."

There's a sky full of bloated women counting on you to produce a pro-biotic yoghurt like you've never produced before!

'Eric the white horse' was fed up being associated with whiskey...so he decided to try beer instead!

"No Wilson, I don't want to hear your daily mantra."

'Don't rush me! I need some time to process everything.'

'Rock of Ages'

"I've decided to start groaning every time I have to move my body a little bit."

"You didn't have to do that, Simon. It tells you on the box if there's a free gift inside!"

Only a handful of people are this small.

"Want to look better in your swimsuit? Visit Sally's Fitness Spa..."

"The idea is to start a little satellite program of our own...."

"Dear Ask Sadie, My mom is always nagging me to clean my room. I don't see why I should have to. I like it the way it is. I don't nag at her for having a clean room, because I know that's how she likes it. How can I get her to just let me be?" "Excellent question. The thing is, it's your mother's job to shape you into a respectable person." "If you think 'being you' includes being dirty, that means you're a dirty, slovenly filth-beast..." "...who will end up alone and miserable because no liv

"He decided to become a divorce lawyer!"

A watched kettle never boils.

Deer Crossing With Attitude

Old Vampire with false teeth.

Astral Projection Society: In Body....Out of Body.

'Delivery for Muhammad.'

Blackbeard needed help living up to his name.

"...failing is ok."

Ask Sadie. Actual questions from actual readers! Send your questions to asksadie@rudypark.com. Dear Ask Sadie, I have encountered a "close-talker" at work who always stands about five or six inches from my face while talking to me. Unfortunately, this close-talker is my boss. How can I get her to stop doing this without shooting my career in the foot? - Charlotte in Austin. Excellent question. It takes me back. The year was 1938. I spent months tracking down the elusive grizzly bear of the Ozark