Actress Pillows

"Just when you're about to lose faith in humanity, you see Shakespeare in the Park."

Nancy Wheeler/Natalia Dyer

"Just when you're about to lose faith in humanity, you see Shakespeare in the Park."

Eleven/Millie Bobby Brown (caricature)

Millie Bobby Brown

"OK, we need the body double for the eating scene."

"Page 33, line 4..."

"If it weren't for the Botox, right now I'd be so sharing your enthusiasm."

Producer, Director, Egomaniac Chairs.

"You need a transplant, but there are very few good parts for middle-aged women."

"Because of illness, the role of Mimi in tonight's performance will be sung by a temp."

'Listen, I know that nose was what made me famous, but it also led to me being typecast. I'm hoping this change helps me get more diverse roles.'

Little Red Riding Carpet

'Product placement is getting so obtrusive.'

"I'm going to pull a seat number from this fish bowl and someone will have a very memorable night at the theater."

Les Miserables: 'Oh, for mercy's sake - lighten up!'

Chekov play and scorecard,

Oklahoma! "Never mind the farmer and the cowman, reconcile the performer and the latecomer then I'll be impressed!"

Actress Kate Claxton and Press Satire after Repeated Fires

An honesty of agents

"I'm so nervous – my cat is here to see the play."

Oscars acceptance speech.

"I know I'm good looking, but am I good looking enough to move to California?"

"I see myself as a lot like Garbo, but very much a people person!"

We were so close to the stage we could see the actors spit.

'You're so meadow dramatic!'

"When you say 'my people,' do you mean your tribe or your reps?"

"I find it comforting to have Off-Broadway plays in the background."

"I'd like to thank my mum..."

Next: I'm STILL a 'D' list celebrity - sack my agent!

"I've seen it performed many times, but I can't remember ever sleeping through it so peacefully."

'And now the song that will launch my singing career.'

You're supposed to simulate it!

'For tonight's performance, the actor in the role of Uncle Vanya will be phoning in his part.'

"I'm very proud. Someone I've been stalking has been nominated for an Academy Award."