Actors Pillows

"I'm sorry. We don't want a ring-tailed lemur. We want a ring-tailed-lemur type."

'I'm not afraid of dying, I just don't want Woody Allen to be there when it happens.'

Father Christmas.

"I bet he'll be in movies. He's always causing a scene."

"Accepting for..."

Emotion of Mr. Kenwigs on hearing the family news from Nicholas

Back-Stage Shaving

Wordplay: Short Notice - Applicants wanted for support roles in production of Snow White.

Drama Llama

'The most successful sitcom on TV was mine, and then I insisted we go it without a laugh track!'

Wizard of Oz - repeat fees

Your Ticket to Fame and Fortune...sold out.

"Let's make a movie. Who's hot?"

Lights Camera Action Man

"She has to arouse you, without, of course, actually arousing you."

Performance anxiety lessons, the more you practice something.

"Know what I miss? Just sitting around with my old friends, and barking."

Covid Masks

"You were never in The Birds..."

"BBC One’s Casualty has reached its 1000th episode. The long-running hospital drama is apparently very popular with viewers... But even more popular among jobbing actors."

"The script isn't funny, but maybe if we put some unfunny actors in it and get an unfunny director it will be funny."

'The good teen-age mime chooses to study for an exam, while the bad one chooses to steal hubcaps.'

"All the world’s a stage, and we merely the actors/waiters."

"And the awards for Best Actor in a Leading Role, Best Costume Design, and Best Sund Coordination... the Anvil!"

Batman (Adam West)

Janet Leigh

An early turning-point in old Hollywood...

'So do I get the job or not?'

"Oh, you haven’t seen holiday drama ‘till you’ve met our little family."

The Skip.

'Looks like the Old Boy Network.'

'Oh, say cheese - it's a family snap, not a TV drama photo shoot!'