Acorn Investor Gifts

Saving for Retirement.

Squirrel putting nuts in a safe box.

Hats and Food

"What's wrong, boy? Has Google's stock gone down?!"

'My dentist recommended it.'

"It's this trend that leads us to believe we should supplement our oil commodities with investments in some of the Earth's rich vinegar and crouton reserves."

"I invested in Chinese stocks just because of my ironic sense of humor - if it goes wrong, I can't even afford a bowl of Chop Suey!"

"We have a new line of designer hedge funds...the Topiary Group."

Maybe it's time to stop giving our bones to a broker and start burying them in the backyard again.

A rising tide may lift all boats but I sank all my savings in beachfront properties.

'So much for the will! Now, before you start celebrating, I suggest you think about inheritance taxes, because, according to my calculations, you will be left with. . ."

"I didn't just store my acorns - I invested them in a high performance stock portfolio."

'You won't lose any more money. We're the first fund with a GPS tracking system.'

"I recommend that you dump the tech stocks and go into acorns."

'My broker uses it to trade hot stocks.'

"The crab Florentine is excellent, but the rack of lamb has limited downside risk.''

'I'm beginning to worry -- everything I've got is tied up in investment newsletters!'

"I want to switch all my municipal bonds into stocks, my stocks into T-bill and my T-bills into municipal bonds."

'Turkey dot com.'

Investor loses shirt in Eurozone meltdown.

"I live for twenty four hours. How can I fund a 401 K?"

'Not a bad day. I started a phony company in computer lab, made a public stock offering over lunch hour and socked away fifteen million into an off-shore bank account before afternoon recess!'

'Great. Now that I've got a better idea of your tolerance for risk, I have a few investments to recommend.'

'Isn't that your stockbroker?'

"In Heaven it does."

'This year's stock market compared to last year's? Well, that is a bit before my time.'

'My first piece of advice is not to put all your eggs in one basket.'

Get rich today with cold fusion tomorrow! Invest now!: 'More like con - fusion! He's a con artist!'

Investing in a funny market

'Your financial statements indicate to my trained eye that your tolerance for risk is low.'

"This little piggy went to market and lost a bundle in global high yield funds.."

"Try here!"

I still say you're going overboard.

Never understood the 'buy low, sell high' theory.

'I made big bucks in the 70s, invested well and now I'm living it large.'