Accounts Clerk Pillows

Intrays for accounts payments department

"Accounts Dept, can I help you?"

'Actually, accounting is an exact science.'

The witch of the west again showed no water usage for the month.

'The job calls for a little filing now and then...'

"The numbers don't lie . . . but we do."

Sheep Ledger

"So, do you want balls that only go up, or ones that only go down?"

"Useless information"

Businessman sees sign in window of 'Fred's Chili Bowl' restaurant: 'Now Hiring a Bean Counter'.

"Six out of ten statisticians prefer to be in the majority."

"My accountant is brilliant - he has just had a loophole names after him!"

Bank cashier sits near sign: 'Please do not ask for credit, as refusal often offends'.

Gone Bookkeepin'

"This pesky decimal point seems to give you quite a bit of trouble."

'And this is the computer that sends out our final demands.'

'You certainly have a way with no words.'

'I'm not comfortable with his method of fixing our balance sheet.'

"Hey, Al! What do you know about shelf life?"

'Hang on, I've just found another one. It must've fallen down behind the coffee machine.'

"Other folks have to pay taxes, too, Mr. Herndon, so would you please spare us the dramatics!"

"Now I see your problem. You've been using a leaf blower to rake it in."

'Good news! It looks as though the $50 million loss we expected to show is going to be a $30 million profit. You know, we should have hired a government accountant as our chief financial officer years ago.'

Accountant Manqué

'I think you'll find these projections somewhat exaggerated, but in a good way.'

"So, the bills still aren't paid? You've never been good at money management."

"Cook the books al dente so the auditor will have a little something to crunch."

School of Wizardry and Creative Accounting.

"The time has come to talk of many things; of shoes and ships and sealing wax, of double-entry bookkeeping, too."

A Lady Out Shopping.

'Do you think now's a good time to ask for a raise?' - 'I wouldn't if I was you. She gave me one this morning.'

Records?

After years of working in an office without a door, Doug was moved to a door without an office.

Do you know what it means when all your financial statements are in red ink?' 'That it's time to change the printer cartridge?'

'There it is! I've isolated the origin of the firm's demise.'