Academic Woes Sympathizer Gifts

'But...Just think how much better I could be doing, if only we had school-sponsored prayer sessions.'

"I didn't finish the proof but I did write this poem about my struggle."

"I was planning to grow old with Matthew Nelson, but it looks like I'll be growing old with my algebra teacher."

'She flunked me, but I plea-bargained my way up to a C-plus!'

Admissions test for the Danbury Institute of Philosophy

'The bad news is you failed all your courses. The good news is you passed the urine test.'

An Archeologic Dig

Yale makes better lock than rival Harvard.

'People, get a half-life!'

'But do you realize what this report cart will do to my self-esteem?'

Well, wish me luck. Mom and dad can handle an 'A' and two 'B's, but I've REAL-L-L-L-Y got to spin the 'D' in math!

"Yes, next year you'll be moving from classroom to classrooms, and, no, it doesn't count as PE."

"Don't pull any wisdom teeth. I need all the help I can get in school."

"Oh, my, I can tell—everybody in there has read Barbara Tuchman."

A heated argument between dons of applied maths and ancient history.

'At least you won't have to worry about the rising costs of a college education.'

'The good news is that you don't have any long-term memory loss. The bad news is it's all MIDTERM memory loss.'

'Do I have to enter a plea?'

Opening arguments would begin after the intimidation round.

We get it, Simone. You went to obedience grad school. Be cognizant of the canis familiaris.

'Sir, I was wondering if I could get an extension on my paper?'

'Thank you, sir. NEXT, PLEASE!'

I hate group projects

'I probably won't be asked to be the first brain donor.'

"I'm broke, I'm back...and I'm willing to discuss law school."

'If my grades don't improve, I don't know what'll happen. Maybe they'll offer me a buyout.'

History exam marked as an 'Epic fail'.

Mathematicians' put down.

"This test wasn't fair! No way it's an accurate measure of what I know!"

"I'm searching my family history in hopes of finding some generational trauma or institutionalized oppression that would explain whole I'm failing all my courses."

Undergraduate talking to college porter

'It's the toxic learning environment.'

"She dumped me the minute I flunked out of medical school."

'You're failing chemistry!' 'But...you're taking away my dream of becoming a professional athlete!'

"Young lady, if your grades don't improve, I'm going to let your father sign up for TikTok."