Academic Performance Pillows

'They're not the exam results, headmaster. They're the truancy figures.'

"There is no complaint department, Robert."

'Even Kevin Yomp got an 'A' - grade inflation is so unfair'

"I can't believe it...a 'B' average on my report card? I'm not that smart! The theories of probability predict it's likely that the school's data system somehow encountered a catastrophic breakdown."

"Where are redactions when you need them?"

"Ya know, 'DUH' can be a very hurtful word."

"Do you want to play doctorate?"

'Reading, writing and arithmetic are important, son. Someday you might sign autographs for money.'

"Just be yourself."

Grad School Parent-Teacher Conference

"E=MC² Energy=Milk·Coffee²"

"Finally, after years of work, irrefutable proof that I'm a nerd."

"Studies show that children of immigrants are more likely to to take advanced math and science courses and more likely to take advanced placement tests in preparation for college."

"There's something weird about Emily. She actually likes school!"

'They all want to play the star.'

"Yes Dad, I passed math and now I'm passing chemistry and physics."

'And this year's 'Inquisitive Learner Award' goes to...'

Snowprov

"I had a fear of speaking in front of people, which is why I shadow puppet and sing the lessons."

"A student skipped a model U.N. meeting – now he's claiming diplomatic immunity."

'You need an education or you will wind up in some fast food place.'

U of Debt

School. Report Card. You couldn't name the presidents and flunked history? Yeah -- It's not what you know, it's who you know.

'What's play?'

Professor Wiles grows insufferable.

"So, what's gonna be your favorite class?"

Exam

"Can you change this quiz grade from an A to a C? I like to keep expectations low until I blow my parents' mind by acing the final exam."

Fish, singing: 'I'm a sole man..'

'May I be excused? I just checked my college investment portfolio online, and I feel sick.'

"I'm the only sane artist in the world."

Primitive magician

"I'd like to thank my parents and my creditors for making this possible."

How come rich kids do so well on SAT tests? Their parents give them books, fancy trips, lessons and

"I, TikTok."