Academic Overachiever Pillows

'I'm sorry - Mr. Jenkins, MBA, PhD, MD, Esq. is O.U.T.'

"Here's my report card. If you have any questions I'll be sitting in the corner."

'You'd think a Humanities professor would be more lenient in her grading.'

'...then I got my masters in psychology, and a year later I earned my Ph.D. in sociology. By the time I get my master in math and my doctorate in history, I'll be ready to retire.'

"I'm experiencing student burnout."

"You'll never make it as a doctor with handwriting like this. I understood every word."

"Talk about cruel and unusual punishment. I have to go to Summer School."

"I can't believe it...a 'B' average on my report card? I'm not that smart! The theories of probability predict it's likely that the school's data system somehow encountered a catastrophic breakdown."

"Well, I had my first pop quiz. Then I had a bigger pop quiz. Now I have a huge pile of homework."

"This has been a productive homework session!"

Too big to fail

"Rosalie—your poor performance this year has reduced your parents' investment in you by almost seventy per cent."

'So I make bad grades. Is it necessary for the school system to issue a written statement?'

"Congratulations Professor, the committee 'okayed' your grant request."

Genius Envy

"Okay - now that the paramedic is here with the defibrillator and smelling salts. . ."

"My parents never talk to me about S-E-X – all the talk about is S-A-Ts."

"Ya know, 'DUH' can be a very hurtful word."

"Do you want to play doctorate?"

'Reading, writing and arithmetic are important, son. Someday you might sign autographs for money.'

Grad School Parent-Teacher Conference

"Finally, after years of work, irrefutable proof that I'm a nerd."

"E=MC² Energy=Milk·Coffee²"

"Studies show that children of immigrants are more likely to to take advanced math and science courses and more likely to take advanced placement tests in preparation for college."

"There's something weird about Emily. She actually likes school!"

"Yes Dad, I passed math and now I'm passing chemistry and physics."

Overjumpers

"A student skipped a model U.N. meeting – now he's claiming diplomatic immunity."

'You need an education or you will wind up in some fast food place.'

"So, what's gonna be your favorite class?"

Exam

'What's play?'

U of Debt

"Doing your homework may lead to a job that has homework."

'May I be excused? I just checked my college investment portfolio online, and I feel sick.'