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'Everybody's grades are down, Dad -- I think the school's having some kind of austerity program.'

Recovering Academics

"Golly, professor - I thought non-verbal communication would be some complicated symbolism or something."

Adult Courses. It's so hard keeping the information from different classes separate! I'm talking film history and psychology. I failed a test because I said a "psychopath" is the walkway Norman Bates took home. I also confused geography and aeronautics. I said the "great plains" are located at an Air Force testing base in the California desert. My worst nightmare was confusing the thinks ti learned in driver's education and statistics. But at least I now know it's driving where you must st

"If a stock falls in the market, and it had no investors, does it really lose its value?"

Eternal Student.

Postgraduates A group of posts on their way to class.

He may have a PH.D in elementary particle physics, but he's having an awful lot of trouble with the application form.

"I'm beginning to regret taking this job at the local playgroup."

'Desert island cartoons - and you?'

Interdisciplinary studies.

Continuing education.

'He's not as studious as he looks - his backpack is full of comic books.'

'This has been a drill. Had this been an actual test you would have been instructed...'

'Good girl, Carol - now hands up all those who have lost their pens.'

'I started out as a teacher's pet, and then it kind of snowballed.'

'It says I missed freshmen Orientation and I have to take it in summer school in order to graduate.'

Paranormal A-Z...

"Three more years of high school."

Miss, how do you spell "acceptable"? I've Googled every "e" and can't find it.

"Miss Rogers told me I have a personal 'cloud' to store knowledge in."

"If it doesn't happen on Facebook, it didn't happen."

Conflating Science and Grammar. The boy threw the ball. What grammatical role does "ball" play in this sentence? An object in motion!

Now showing, at a University near you...

Type A Freshman - changed courses four times, got a job, organized a protest, quit the job, plans to take second semester abroad.

"Philosophy Department. Why may I direct your call?"

"I want a top education, but don't milk me dry with school fees."

"This was a wicked-hard test. I'm pretty sure everybody got a bad grade."

'Add the numbers, divide by how many numbers you've added and there you have it-the average amount of minutes you sleep in class each day.'

Thank you for not doing research that has already been done.

'You know what they say - 'Those who don't learn the lessons of history are doomed to go to summer school.''

'The good teen-age mime chooses to study for an exam, while the bad one chooses to steal hubcaps.'

'I'd like to challenge the test.'

"I don't have my law degree yet but I've got an internship down in cell block 'D'."

"This is a test. This is only a test. IF this had been the real world it'd be your job you'd be fighting for, not a letter of the alphabet."