Absurdity Advocate Pillows

'They suspect arson.'

"If you killed him using a tennis racket, you need a sports lawyer."

"Our property taxes went up agian."

'Keep me informed of the herds' mood.'

"If nothing else needs welding, Paula, I'm going to lunch."

"Good" "Bad" "Work on it" "Keep working - maybe it's not as bad as you think it is" "Put it to a committee" "Give up" "Make it worse" "Make it better" "Still a bad idea" "Overthink it" "Throw yourself into a pit of wild badgers" "Throw it away" "Call it done" "Sigh."

(oil - petroleum - gushing out of inkwell)

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

Turd - 'It's one of a kind.'

Tourists and their Pets.

Giant ape juggling planes and captive.

"After the drugstore, I need you to find fresh parmesan."

"Day 4,261... I don’t know how much longer I can survive. Still no signs of civilization. Food is scarce and I fear the wound on my ankle is infected. Still, all this pales in comparison to the horror of having to be anywhere at any particular time."

A golden Big Boy holding a plate of poop

"I have to refill it everyday. He has a tendency to retain water."

'Oh great. Our luggage has been sent to Alpha Centauri.'

Barcode Dreams

Glance Exchange

Extreme Sisyphus

Optimist

The deadly sport of cobra staring contests.

"Exactly how undecided would you say you were at this precise moment?"

Zoo: No Hunting.

"Good news. It's a small pig."

Admit it. We have a drinking problem.

"And once you've achieved your 25% improvement in client satisfaction surveys, we need you to solve the problem of global warming,third world poverty and cold toast."

Admissions test for the Danbury Institute of Philosophy

"Valet park only"

"Leon, honey, you break all the rules of dramaturgy."

"Who's next?"

"But you can eat as much as you want from the tree of bullshit."

'He refuses to leave without the tree and their son.'

"Squirting flower, squirting flower...."

"And the Hungriest Black Hole there ever was ate everything in the entire universe and lived happily ever after."