Abstract Art Fans Gifts

Olympic Rings

Half-price tighty-white day at the MoMA.

Feel All Floaty.

'It's my homage to Picasso.' (Snowman is all mixed up with eyes and nose in odd places)

Turd - 'It's one of a kind.'

"An unfortunate museum gift shop." "Banksy activity set." "Jackson Pollock coloring book." "MC Escher building blocks." "Claes Oldenburg miniatures." "Marceau Marceau CDs." "Seurat's connect-the-dots aaAAAAA."

It's a call from Tate modern.

"Is it me, or is Jasper Johns a genius?" "Über-genius, Larry. Über!"

Mr. Empirical With "Antarctica""Small is hostile. Rage contributes to shift away from literality. I'm off to True Value Hardware for some more self-reference tools."

"You're welcome."

Wagging Dog

That midnight hour when fleeting memories come home to roost.

'Projectile painting.'

Pharaoh Cocoon

Jackson Pollock Studio

Picasso: The Early Years

Giant Monster in Bath

"I just cleaned that glass! How can it already be covered in nose prints?!"

'Number two. That's the art that offended me.'

'My interpretation is that it deals with the artist's utter frustration over the scarcity of remaining, reasonable equity values.'

Surreal ale

Art Gallery.

"Picasso: Post cataract surgery."

The Cremaster Cycle

"So, Sandra, what can you tell us about your lovely mood board?"

"Feel better, dear?"

"By 'genius' do they mean the artist or the marketing department?"

Morning and Afternoon Paintings

"It's wonderful, darling. It really says Manhattan."

"He begged his wife and kids to join him in Tahiti, but he didn't mean a word of it, the bastard."

"Definitive." "Compelling." "Persuasive." "Upside down."

"I'm not an Antony Gormley, I am Antony Gormley."

"She said it has a blistering fervency that reminds her of a slide."

"I like it, honey ... it speaks to what a waste of time your MFA was."

"It has great depth, realized with such a unique economy of paint application... yet, there remains a curious aura of drivel I can't dismiss."