Abstract Art Analyst T-Shirts

"What the %@!!* is that?!" "Is that a leg? Wait—no, it's an arm. Wait—what?" "The frame is nice." "Whatever it is, it makes me miss Bob Ross." "Gasp!" "The intentionally lost Caravaggio"

'It's called 'Oh Bugger It!' if you must know!'

"I think that's one of his early 'blank canvases'. I think there are some bigger ones in the next room."

"Abstract Expressionism is definitely right for me at this stage of my career."

Instructional guide to scribbling

"No, ma'am. I'm not sure what the difference is between being creative or just plain weird."

"An unfortunate museum gift shop." "Banksy activity set." "Jackson Pollock coloring book." "MC Escher building blocks." "Claes Oldenburg miniatures." "Marceau Marceau CDs." "Seurat's connect-the-dots aaAAAAA."

The Thought Process.

bird interprets modern art

"Is it me, or is Jasper Johns a genius?" "Über-genius, Larry. Über!"

Mr. Empirical With "Antarctica""Small is hostile. Rage contributes to shift away from literality. I'm off to True Value Hardware for some more self-reference tools."

"Idea?" "No. Just a light bulb."

That midnight hour when fleeting memories come home to roost.

"You're welcome."

It's a call from Tate modern.

"I feel your pain."

'Projectile painting.'

Wagging Dog

Pastorius wonders why.

Clever visual metaphor used to personify the abstract concept of thought and memory.

"I just cleaned that glass! How can it already be covered in nose prints?!"

"Baby Jackson Pollock"

Jackson Pollock Studio

"He gets easily abstracted."

'My interpretation is that it deals with the artist's utter frustration over the scarcity of remaining, reasonable equity values.'

'Wow, talk about genius!'

The Cremaster Cycle

"So, Sandra, what can you tell us about your lovely mood board?"

"Feel better, dear?"

Art Gallery.

'I'm going to add to the confusion. I'm going to sign my name upside-down.'

Surreal ale

"By 'genius' do they mean the artist or the marketing department?"