Zoning Aficionado T-Shirts

We're from the City Zoning Commission, sir -- we've decided to tear down your house and put up a slum.

'I'm sure that one wasn't there last week.'

Prize vegetables.

Allotment

'You wouldn't happen to be sitting on my entry to the straightest runner bean competition?'

"And this is a $20,000 ‘meditation room’ — can you believe it?!!"

Man at desk has a desk tray labeled "In one ear,' and another labeled "Out the other."

Deadline

This is NOT 'nipping out'.

Five Ideas For Success: Always finish what you. . .

"It's nice, but does it have a batcave?"

'The owner plays in the NBA.'

Who Let the Dawg In?

"Whether we refer to them as lakes or ponds, it's mere semantics."

Home Sweet Sign

'Now, until you've attained perfect wisdom, you'll have to learn to evade questions.'

"I see no problems. We can get lots more of these houses in.."

For sale sign: 'Unique 16th Century cottage. Similar properties wanted.'

'Now, it does require some modernisation. . . .'

Summertime... When you go zero to 'booked up' in 3.5 seconds

Child has practiced building sand castles in snow.

'They're playing house.'

Castle Realty. Of course, for resale value, I'd suggest converting the dungeon into a rec room.

'This place is rather unusually located. Do you folks like sunsets?'

"This spectacular 40 room property has majestic views of the valley and village and it was tastefully renovated after the most recent Viking incursion."

'I grow all our tomatoes. I grow all our spinach. All you do is complain about the cost of my twice weekly manicures.'

"Obviously the price of this property is a reflection of it`s very desirable location."

"We thought we could put in the details later."

"Call off the siege. It's being converted into ninety-three units of coöperative housing."

"Someone's screwed up. . . there's apiece of road here no-one's working on!"

"This place is cheap now, but rates go way up during hibernation season."

'Now we've had our loft changed into a bedroom, the vicar's preaching to the converted.'

"This room is always bathed in the most beautiful sunlight. Except at night of course."

Zen Master Huineng

"It's your real-estate agent. She says she may have found you a higher ledge."