Zen Jester T-Shirts

Yoga studio: In 234 and Out 234.

'My reading comprehension is so-so, but I do make up for it with my highlighting skills.'

"We're following Carrot Top."

"Judgement Day: Division Four"

Dog fetching clown shoes.

"Not guilty but prepared to settle out of court, your honour."

'Your Honor, my client would like to wave his right to a speedy trial.'

'Can I sue someone because I didn't win my lawsuit?'

'Your Honor, in order to avoid being sued, we find the defendant 'Not guilty.''

'This court finds you guilty Mr. Jones. As your punishment, the bailiff here will slug you one.'

"#notguilty."

Stepping on clown's shoe...

Yawning barristers in court

Bad Interview Technique

Books / Coffee table books

"It says here that study claims chimps and humans are 96% the same. What's your thoughts Derek?"

"The incessant chatter was driving me crackers, so I got him his own twitter account."

'I couldn't help noticing that nobody swore YOU in!'

'Make him laugh, make him cry.'

'Don't worry boss, it's probably archaic!'

"Dave here, is a lawyer. But don't be too impressed, he only specialises in petty crime."

"I'd have been here sooner if it hadn't been for early detection."

'My client has required the services of countless law enforcement, court, penal and probation personnel. He's not a menace...he's a jobs creator!'

Jesus plays peek-a-boo with doubting Thomas.

'He started it!'

'It was more than my finest hour, Paltrow. It was my finest billable hour.'

'Keep it under you hat, but I want you to enrich some uranium.'

Sub Post Office/Sub-Justice

"I'm popping out for a tinkle."

'If you can't afford a media adviser the court will appoint you one.'

'I believe in trial and error, I believe my client being brought to trial is an error.'

"Once again, I simply don't recall."

'We the jury find the defendant very, very, very, guilty.'

"'Ignorance of the law is no excuse.' Golly! I never heard that one! Did you ever hear that one?"

Justice