Zen Jester T-Shirts

Yoga studio: In 234 and Out 234.

'My reading comprehension is so-so, but I do make up for it with my highlighting skills.'

"We're following Carrot Top."

"Judgement Day: Division Four"

Dog fetching clown shoes.

"Not guilty but prepared to settle out of court, your honour."

'Your Honor, my client would like to wave his right to a speedy trial.'

"#notguilty."

'Can I sue someone because I didn't win my lawsuit?'

Stepping on clown's shoe...

'This court finds you guilty Mr. Jones. As your punishment, the bailiff here will slug you one.'

'Your Honor, in order to avoid being sued, we find the defendant 'Not guilty.''

Yawning barristers in court

Bad Interview Technique

Books / Coffee table books

'Make him laugh, make him cry.'

'I couldn't help noticing that nobody swore YOU in!'

'Don't worry boss, it's probably archaic!'

"The incessant chatter was driving me crackers, so I got him his own twitter account."

"It says here that study claims chimps and humans are 96% the same. What's your thoughts Derek?"

"Dave here, is a lawyer. But don't be too impressed, he only specialises in petty crime."

"I'd have been here sooner if it hadn't been for early detection."

'It was more than my finest hour, Paltrow. It was my finest billable hour.'

Jesus plays peek-a-boo with doubting Thomas.

'He started it!'

'My client has required the services of countless law enforcement, court, penal and probation personnel. He's not a menace...he's a jobs creator!'

'Is there any chance I could do the five years vicariously?'

'If you can't afford a media adviser the court will appoint you one.'

"I'm popping out for a tinkle."

"I got probation."

"Once again, I simply don't recall."

"'Ignorance of the law is no excuse.' Golly! I never heard that one! Did you ever hear that one?"

Justice

"We, the jury, find the defendant."

'I believe in trial and error, I believe my client being brought to trial is an error.'