Zen Conundrum Lover Pillows

'Now close your eyes and visualize our upcoming softball game against the elm street zen center and kicking their sorry behinds.'

"Behold the secret to happiness."

'Don't just sit there thinking. Meditate.'

'The sound of one hand clapping.'

"I have good news and bad news about your cat, Dr Schrodinger..."

'It's a zen diaphragm.'

"Chop wood, carry water, walk dog."

How's my enlightenment? Call 1-800-Nirvana.

'Do you ever just feel like getting AWAY from it all?'

"She's been in shavasana for - like - a really long time...."

''Faith can move mountains'? -- That's actually a little disturbing.'

2 + 2 = 4. 2 x 2 = 4. Oh, I get it! It's a Zen thing!

Working from OM.

Ned's Northingness: All the Nothing You Need To Achieve Mindfulness

'Your dilemma is fabulous. Imagine what a dramaturge could do with it.'

'If we had a bill of rights that got wronged, would it be right or wrong for a judge to right that wrong?'

'At least with math and physics you sometimes find the answer.'

'But how could me speaking at the Secret New Products Seminar break our Confidentiality Agreement?'

'Frankly I'm all meditated out.'

"I used to be a young crazy rebel like you you know."

Zen Litter Box

"My first novel is a prequel of a sequel, it's about time travel."

"Sales rep from Milton Keynes? You prove he no British spymaster who sent you on secret mission to Bananastan?"

Great. What do I get the man who already HAS nothing? It's a birthday party.

'At least with math and physics you sometimes find the answer.'

"You’ll get nothingness and like it."

'Lost in the Jungle I found this Buddhist retreat...'

"Look, if it wasn’t me and it wasn’t you, who was doing all the snoring?!"

'Mr Gottlieb recently read one of those books on Japanese management techniques.'

Ignorance and Bliss

"I feel so much more relaxed since I punched out my yoga instructor!"

Valentine for Guru.

He's been like that for hours - I think he's binge meditating.

It's a new year, little buddy. What are you going to do to make the most of it? Throw out the old to make room for the new. Very deep, little buddy. I'm a deep person. If the big-screen tv I got on Black Friday is a whole month old, I'm Zen enough to just breathe ... and let it go, on eBay. Want to hear my Zen mantra? Luckily, I stopped listening 30 seconds ago.

"I just attained enlightenment! - Gimme a high-five!"