Zen Beginner Pillows

"I'm just saying, isn't it a bit early to be 'the present moment'?"

"Behold the secret to happiness."

"Ooh, ooh, I know this koan! I got it! Pick me! Pick me!"

'You're through around here.. turn in your rubber donut!'

'Hey! Contemplate your own navel!'

'Enlightenment isn't EITHER overrated!'

"I'm TRYING to extinguish my ego, but I feel so CONSPICUOUS up here!"

Zenemies.

'He attained Nirvana in two weeks? - he's GOTTA be using steroids!'

'The sound of one hand clapping.'

Yoga.

Annoying neighbours - irritating wind chimes

"I change my mantra every two months so no one can hack my soul."

After years of intense inner work, Bill finally got his life completely in balance. That's when he noticed the new loose thread.

'I'm going to have an out-of-body experience -- can I bring you anything?'

"Haven't you wondered why I live about 50 years longer thank you?"

'Are you not thinking what I'm not thinking?'

'Which would be more Zen ? a pizza with nothing, or a pizza with everything?'

Yoga with Baby

"Hey, no problem. I am one with multiple tasks."

'Oh dear! -- Well, look me up if you ever get reincarnated, okay?'

Guru.

"My feng-shui consultant placed Harold in the closet."

"Show off."

How's my enlightenment? Call 1-800-Nirvana.

"She's been in shavasana for - like - a really long time...."

When Buddha came to nirvana.

'Do you ever just feel like getting AWAY from it all?'

"Chop wood, carry water, walk dog."

"I'm trying to achieve total harmony of body, mind, and cash-flow."

'Do you mean 'who cares what the meaning of life is,' or that 'who cares' IS the meaning of life?'

"So you want for your three wishes...world peace, happiness for friends and family...and the weekend off."