Youtube Hopeful Prints

'Any backup plan in case your dream of becoming a YouTube sensation doesn't pan out?'

"If this goes badly I'm going to post it on my youtube job interview bloopers channel."

"So...what are you doing after you graduate?"

'Dad, would you ming standing up, then accidentally tripping on the dog and falling flat on your face? I'll try to get it in one shot.'

"...And this is the part where he veers off course from the YouTube tutorial."

What can I get you? An explanation for why we haven't gone back to the moon. Would you like the rational explanation or the Youtube explanation? Rational would be lovely, please. Ok. We never went back to the moon because there was no reason to. The whole point of Apollo was to reassure the free world that we could beat the Soviet Union. Mission accomplished. Oh ... that's it? Well, that's rather bland. Could I exchange that for the Youtube explanation? The lizard-men who live on the film set wh

Bleh! What's up, little man? I can't figure out how to start my essay on integrity and honesty. Oh yeah. I once wrote one of those. Excellent. Can I use yours? Honestly?

We're With Stupid

"So how much money do you make?"

"The Master Builder...is that a play by Ibsen, or a YouTube video?"

I started my own Youtube channel. What's it about? Well, there are already too many stupid-stunt-and-prank channels, and too many holier-than-thou-independent-news-analysis channels. But get this: There were absolutely zero holier-than-thou-stupid-stunt-and-prank-analysis channels. Probably a reason for that. My first hard-hitting post reveals how the inauthenticity of the "Mario Kart" prank is driving away Millennials.

"It's a battle of wills - I'm refusing to do anything for his 'funny cat videos' web page."

"The operation was a success. Thank goodness for YouTube videos!"

"I've decided to have a kid."

Somebody should really be filming this for YouTube.

“I’ve always wanted to learn to swim, but it’s never been more than thirty minutes since my last meal.”

"No, I'm not doing my homework, but I am watching a YouTube video of someone doing theirs."

Guess what else I found on Youtube, Randy? Evidence Vladimir Putin is an immortal. There are two photos of soldiers who look exactly like Putin, taken in 1941 and way back in 1920. Exactly like him. Could be they're related. The notion of genetics is a huge conspiracy by the immortals. I found that out on Youtube.

My Youtube channel's taking off. Mine too, little buddy. You have a Youtube channel? Of course, it's got 12.8 million subscribers. I accompanies my best-selling MANuals book series. I post a video per day. There's "Pickup Artist Mondays," "Man-Grooming Tuesdays," "Relationship Escape-Artist Wednesdays" ... "Become an Alpha in Five Minutes Thursdays" ... "New Advances in Speedos Fridays," and "Using Quantum Physics and the Multiverse Theory to Explain Why that Lady She Caught You with was Actuall

The Marie Kondo landfill

Waiting to be discovered, or taken to work, whichever comes first...

"If you like what I had to say, be sure to go online and buy some of my merch."

I'm tired of being an alt-right internet superstar. It's way too much work now that I've got 48,000 subscribers to my Youtube channel. Since when do you have 48,000 subscribers? Since my debut video detailed how indigenous people from Foreignvania faked the moon landing by using teddy bears and special effects. I developed a unique following that's part racist, part conspiracy-enthusiast, part Photoshop user, and part Care Bear fanatic. Yeah ... I'm tired just listening to that. It's getting tou

'Forget Normal infections, it's so last year! I put some crazy stuff on youtube and instantly, it went absolutely viral!'

'...all been inspired by the Olympics...now touch those toes...touch those...'

We never went to the moon. The Youtube evidence is conclusive. Not the Van Allen thing again." "Van Allen." It is absolutely impossible for human beings to traverse the Van Allen radiation belt. Explain how the Apollo astronauts passed through that radiation belt without either dying or hulking out. They were exposed to a cat-scan's worth of radiation. It was supposed to be a rhetorical question.

An astronomer on earth posted a time-lapse video of us appearing to move across the night sky. We're YouTube stars now.

Are you calling 911?!

'Actually, we just run your name through Youtube.'

"My YouTube channel The Happy Hermit has really taken off since lockdown began."

'Do you have any idea how big I am online?'

"Changing your Facebook profile does not count as exercise!"

"There's got to be a better way to break into show business than appearing on Hot Ones."

Utter horror. Sadie has become a Youtube star. Get outta here. I shot video of her ranting about her hatred of technology and posted it on Youtube. People love it. They can't get enough. She's being treated like a celebrity. An autograph please, and can you curse my laptop? I feel so alive.

"I started with the university of life but finally opted for the university of youtube."