Young Family Pillows

"It's too hot to strive for autonomy."

"The end...And remember, it would be very helpful if you left a review of my reading with your mom."

Reality of Parenthood

Scooting Death

Why is your two-year old so quiet?

Excess Baggage: The younger the traveler, the greater the amount of luggage required.

A father comes home from work and is given a baby.

'Quick! Look cute!'

"I told you not to touch it. I should've used your language and told you not to click on it."

"M'lady, we’ve reached peak Brooklyn."

"Someone once told me that kids grow up so quickly. I hope there's some truth to that."

The No No No's

"But if I don't break stuff who will?"

"That table is yours once that party decides to move to the suburbs."

"I'm texting you a love poem inspired by the emoji you sent me."

Snowman

Toddler Feeding Solutions

"No, four glasses of water was enough. . . now I have to go to the bathroom!"

"Having a cat will prepare us for having a teenager one day."

'I guess you've noticed that most of these trespasses are reruns.'

A father of three

'If he hasn't got a name yet, how do we know he's ours?'

Same sex families - it's about love, not sex, after all...

Pinata good bags.

"Mommy is having another baby. Let me assure you that any paradigm shift will be incremental, core values remain family-centric, and Mommy is committed to assimilation and building synergy."

"Me? I thought you were raising them."

'Sorry, sweetie -- they're not that kind of cookies.'

Dad Planet: 'Hey you KIDS! I thought i said no ORBITING in the house!'

'He's a son-of-a-bitch but he's our son-of-a-bitch!'

"No monsters under this bed! After I cleaned there's no room."

'He's at that difficult age: 0 to 16.'

Baby eating "Uploading", Baby on toilet "Downloading"

"We couldn't find a sitter."

A mom watches as her children get into a large SUV using a staircase.

"Sleep? Who needs sleep? It's time to PARTAY!"