Yard Digger Pillows

'With these crazy markets, you have to diversify to protect your money. Put some under your mattress, some in your sock drawer, maybe some in a hole in the yard...'

"He can't decide which one he likes best. . .His leaf blower, his weed wacker, or his metal detector."

"I can't believe how great my life is now: We used to live in an apartment, but now, I have my own garden..."

"Maybe we should cut back on those lawn catalogues."

Gardener

"First time pruning?"

'I used to do that, but it just grows again.'

I hate deer! What do you have to repel them? They're awful. I've got fences. Sprays. Decoys. Tree's Tree Nursery. I'll takes these. Anything to get rid of the varmints. Ring him up, Twig. I don't know why you are so down on deer. They've been very good to you! Anti-deer.

The Gardener's Calendar: Try to Repair It...

"You've just got to have the biggest and the best, have'nt you?!"

Neighbor Leaf Wars

Irritable trowel syndrome.

Conservation Area

Man with raked leaves on wall plaques.

'He works out aggression by bayoneting the leaves.'

Lawnmower

"Just a couple of ninety cent seed packets, and you can have fresh garden vegetables for heaven knows how long."

Okay, dig that one up!

"Mom, no raking for me this fall! Got any more leaf bags?"

Beginning Yarder.

"Mulch madness"

'Told you to get your mower fixed.'

'Since he bought the leaf blower I hardly ever see him.'

"Must get a longer cable."

'It says right here on the package, Ed, 'avoid any direct contact with skin'!'

Gardener's Calendar: Try to put the other things back...

'George! This way quick!'

'I imagine you'd like to hear about my progress...'

Lawn Order. It's a landscaping show about maintaining a tidy yard.

'I'd recommend the 9 tine.'

'I don't make house calls. My mom won't let me leave the yard.'

"Dad, can we please just buy a week wacker?"

'Summer's over and it's time to fall in!'

"Basically, I'm looking for a beer can holder with a mower built around it."

When Fred's super deluxe leaf blower blew up yet again, he wondered where global deforestation is when you want it,