Writing Reports T-Shirts

'Can you redo this report, Farley, and make it less stupid?'

News: Deaths! Deaths! Deaths!

"My report to the board was perfect. They did not understand a word of it and now think I'm smarter than them."

"Brilliant report, I can't tell where the facts and the fiction begins"

'Not bad, Ms. Newborn. But take another crack at it, and this time remember that 'earnings-per-share' is the alter upon which all other numbers are sacrificed.'

'I made a good grade in creative writing, but I didn't do very well in creative spelling.'

"For details on the bear market, here's a bear..."

'Your proposal is written with clarity and conviction. Send it up to legal for obfuscation.'

"Here are today's leading factoids, and I'm Skip Shumaker, spoon-feeding them to you!"

'You've been killing files again.'

"These fourth grade marks are confusing...I got a B on the assignment, so is that like a smiley face or a star?"

No animals were harmed during the writing of this book report....

'I'm doing a school report on 'the aging process,' Dad -- can I interview you?'

'Can I hand in my report tomorrow. Ms. D'Amato? I haven't finished reading the book. I've been too busy coloring it.'

'I suppose that's where things get ironed out.'

The Barrel of a Gun: the Press and the Truth

'It's getting harder to tell when the news stops and the spin begins.'

Given seven minutes to finish, he flashed through the weekly report.

"No word from the company – but, it's clear that this is a major spill."

Hitchcock's The Birds

A Journalist's Weapons

"I'll need some distracting hilarity on the borders of my quarterly report."

"Why don't we call you 'Deeper Throat'?"

"Skepticism, Jones? Tell me, how does that relate to journalism?"

'This is gobbledygook. I asked for mumbo-jumbo.'

"Getting good grades isn't enough, son. You also need to bring in new clients."

"I don't like these sales figures. Prepare them in another color and font and resubmit them."

"Will you stop 'tutting' until I've finished my report."

"I'll have my article pulled together in no time."

'I bet those are the accident reports.'

'We're really just a mom and pop store...if mom and pop had 600,000 employees.'

"And that's the way we want you to think it is."