World Commentators Pillows

"Son, the world is full of disappointments. About 7.7 billion of them."

No, you idiots, they don't include a "comments" section.

Pretty Flowers

"Whoever made Keir Starmer did a sound professional job."

"The regular Fox news commentator was canned for being too soft on Iran. I'm Dick Cheney."

"And the winner is… Dan the Man by a nose!"

"‘Click’, you have reached the White House, press 1 for shameless groveling, 2 for presidential pardons, and please have your credit card details ready..."

"Still, he might be remembered as the 'no cloning' President."

"You want to know why I drink?. . . I drink to forget!"

'Cartoonist thinking'

"Neversource"

"It has great depth, realized with such a unique economy of paint application... yet, there remains a curious aura of drivel I can't dismiss."

'I'm terribly worried, Doctor - he doesn't talk back to Bill O'Reilly any more.'

National Living Wage from April 1st.

"But the good news is Trump has broken off diplomatic relations with them only on Twitter..."

"When Harold first said he identified as a balloon animal I thought it was just a phase, but here we are fifteen years later and it seems to be working."

Why Superman flies himself

'He hasn't played a game yet, but there are people who have started whinging about him already.'

Sports Radio in Crisis

Tree of Public Opinion.

'I don't care if he is the most interesting man in the world, his tweets about what he had for breakfast are still boring.'

The National Institute for Advanced Talk-Show Punditry.

"We've stared at the election map for so long it's become a Magic Eye poster."

Sir Patrick Moore.

"We've now got a higher approval rating than the media."

Carl Shurz's attacks on President Grant are 'Played Out'

"Lord, save my ass from this Russia debacle, please!"

Dispute between Pelosi and Trump

Pundits

And now, for a rebuttal.

"Then I told him, 'Unions are powerless in this country... What can you do to me?'"

'Oh man, he just nailed that triple entendre... that all but guarantees him a medal.'

'The following program contains scenes that may not be appropriate for Neoconservatives.'

Self Checkout

"Whatever happened to traditional marriages? There they are...on national television...with millions of people watching...two women getting married! And they're both wearing blue jeans!"