Workspace Humorist Gifts

"I have to go. I have another coffee break on seven."

"A cubicle is too small? Be glad that you are not one of our temporary workers....they've got to work in here!"

"Looks like we found the issue."

"Is this to make me feel bad for not getting you that laptop?"

Pounding speeds up the computer.

'Surely you wouldn't want me to laugh at your joke if I didn't think it was funny!'

"You've got to fill in these forms to join the 'How to reduce bureaucracy' seminar."

"This position has become very important to the company."

'What sort of mission statement is that?'

'It's a chart of office morale. This is where you went on vacation.'

'The check is in the email attachment.'

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

'Finally! A meeting with one of the bigwigs.'

Project Length As Measured In Dog Years

'That's our mission statement.'

IN box...OUT is wastepaper basket on fire.

"So we are agreed then, most of the targets we've set staff are completely unreasonable and we should just scrap them."

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

"Another job well done by your conflict resolution specialist."

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

'I have a plan 'B' but that's also dependent on a working projector bulb.'

"His first out-of-body experience."

'You're my best man, Pomeroy, so I've decided to sell the damn company.'

'Ok, I'm in a paperwork mood. Let 'er rip.'

"'Quid pro quo' is a no-no, Bradbury. Around here we say 'reciprocal altruism'."

'We've financed three more startups for no fathomable reason.'

'You'll like this, gang ? it's an 'eyes-only' list of 'shady-but-tolerated' loopholes allowed by the Securities and Exchange Commission.'

"And isn't it time we replaced the worn-out, meaningless cliches in our mission statement with some dazzlingly new meaningless cliches?"

"They decided giving out pink slips was too impersonal. So now they're blue."

'The efficiency expert's recommendation is we drink more coffee!'

'I vote we hang the darn thing upside down and go home!'

"I believe we've found the weakest link."

'Take two tablets the moment you begin to feel indispensable.'

Boss's Desk Says No!

"They're having a fight over how best to handle client conflict."