Workplace Theorist Gifts

What do you think of my new idea?

"Don't flutter your little wings on company time."

'I'm afraid you don't have the leadership qualities we're seeking.'

'I just don't feel I'm getting anywhere.'

I'm not making enough money to like you.

"Look at them smiling. They've reached their comfort zone."

Motivation to work

'My pessimism keeps me optimistic.'

'Your salary will help you learn the lesson that life is not fair.'

Man at desk has a desk tray labeled "In one ear,' and another labeled "Out the other."

"I think we're all agreed that we need to focus 110% on meeting strategic corporate goals."

"Meanwhile, obsessing about productivity is way up."

The role of administration.

"I misjudged you Fenton. I thought you were a 'mover and shaker' but all the time you were just bobbing and weaving."

'Not only does he suffer from anxiety, he makes everyone else suffer from it too.'

"Just go with the workflow."

"Sir, the staff are all assembled for your pep talk."

''A desk job.' That's what they called it at the interview.' 'Same here.' 'SHH!'

"After an extensive analysis of your company's strengths and weaknesses our recommendation is to give us more money."

I can outsource your job to someone who'll work longer hours for less money. Less money I can understand...but how do they make the hours longer than 60 minutes?

"Someone, call the office and see if we can get a fresh carrot."

'Apparently you can't fire everybody and still maintain productivity.'

"The boss says he can remember the day I first started...but nothing after that."

"This is a company which is going places...."

'Thanks, Brian, for your thoughtful and constructive proposal. Without further ado, we'll now dive into malicious, envy-based criticism, character assassination and petty bickering!'

"Pendleton, as of noon today your services will no longer be required. Meanwhile, keep up the good work."

'I like people.. but not a whole lot.'

"I can't decide whether to get upset and wake him up... or wait and see if it works!"

'Money is a bit tight at the moment, so instead of cash we wondered whether you'd settle for 20% more meaningless protestations of how much we value you?'

'I don't like the looks of this ... '

'I suppose they call it the rat race because only rats ever seem to win.'

"It's somehow comforting to witness a revival of the classics in motivational technique."

I think, theerfore I am underpaid

Occupant.

'It's a difficult position to fill. Someone who's smarter than me - and smart enough to pretend not to know it.'