Workplace Jokesters Pillows

'Just because you fell in love on company time is no reason why the company has to give you time off to get married on.'

'Did you stick your tongue out?' - 'I only licked a stamp.'

"I've called this meeting so I could see all of you squirm."

"Is this to make me feel bad for not getting you that laptop?"

Pounding speeds up the computer.

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

"So we are agreed then, most of the targets we've set staff are completely unreasonable and we should just scrap them."

"Shall we start with an icebreaker?"

'Senior management wanted me to raise morale so I made Lionel from accounts 'office jester'!'

'It's a difficult job, he needed a bigger than average 'stress ball'.'

'Is that the sweet smell of success or some imitation air freshener?'

"A dozen eggs and a pint of semi-skimmed...Sorry, looks like I left my presentation in my other coat."

'Can you do more work then is humanly possible?'

"Lost my job. But I'm pretty sure it's around here somewhere."

'The cash bonus incentives don't appear to be having the desired results. So, I've hired Rocky, here. He'll be providing the heads of the least productive departments with his own brand of incentive. If you know what I mean.'

'Everyone in the company wears one, Yomp! It's what keeps us focused!'

Well, I see Wilcox is finally using his head...as a paperweight!

"Hire a cost cutting, bad-guy consultant to turn me into a good guy during the layoffs."

"It's so cute when the boss brings his son to work and pretends to let him help out!"

Employee of the Month Parking

'My firm has an entire department that does nothing but adjust for inflation.'

Chritmas Party - "What in our own time?"

Ants dressed as businessmen going to work.

'It was going well - until his power suit short-circuited.'

"I'm trying to lure in Generation X-ers. They're the new sandwich generation. They're sandwiched between caring for their kids and caring for their parents. So they drink lots and lots of coffee."

'Frankly, our dental plan bites.'

"You're good at asking all the right questions. Now let's hear some right answers."

Clowns in the board room: 'As you can see by the pie chart, most of our expenses go to, well, pie.'

'Yes, we do have an incentive scheme.We call it 'continued employment'.'

"Personally, I'd like to hire you, Mike, but the company has some serious concerns about your core competencies!"

Suggestions box in a toilet.

'I recognize the face ... I just can't pin down the name.'

"By 'dress down day', most of us mean not wearing a jacket!"

"In accordance with our new 'sharing of responsibilities initiative,' you'll all be responsible for getting my coffee." i

"Well, if you hadn't misfiled it in the first place it wouldn't have been lost."