Workplace Joke Lover Pillows

'Hey, cheer UP, Bert! It's Wednesday... Hump Day!'

'You wanted to see me when I woke up?'

"I was just going to say, 'Well, I don't make the rules.' But, of course, I do make the rules."

'I hate leaving work when I feel I could have delegated more.'

"I spent all day learning productivity hacks"

'Let me worry about the one percent inspiration, you just take care of the 99 percent perspiration.'

'Senior management wanted me to raise morale so I made Lionel from accounts 'office jester'!'

"Hold my calls, Kimberly. I'm with a ball of string."

'What's wrong now?'

'I'm promoting you to project coordinator because you seem to have an overall view of things.'

'Does your mother know you keep a messy office?'

"There are no big jobs, only small machines."

"It used to Casual Friday. Now it's Furlough Friday."

'I have much less stress since I replaced my in box with a paper shredder.'

Well, I see Wilcox is finally using his head...as a paperweight!

'You earned this corner office by cutting corners...'

'Stop saying 'how high?' until I say 'jump'.'

"Hire a cost cutting, bad-guy consultant to turn me into a good guy during the layoffs."

"I made money the old fashioned way. I inherited it."

'What a CV - if you can write memos like this you'll go far in our organisation.'

'You'll get five paid sick days, plus an additional two when you're shedding your skin.'

'We have a strict don't-ask-don't-tell policy for salaries.'

'I'm sure he was a great guy, but there's a new Pharaoh in town.'

"The company is very keen on diversity, could you reapply as a woman?"

'You can drop all the hints you like, Jones. We're not buying you a computer.'

'I give this one about three months...'

'One final question: Have you ever been disciplined, investigated or suspended for integrity on the job?'

'Can I call you back, Frank? A giant maggot is eating my desk, people are shooting at me and my hair is on fire.'

"Bill is in charge of our Ethics Department."

'Say, our stress control seminar worked! Our sales are way down...but so what if they are.'

'The good news is we're projecting a profit. The bad news is, none of us will be alive then.'

'I don't like our new copier, it sliced my report into hundreds of tiny strips.'

'My pessimism keeps me optimistic.'

'We will not kick the can down the road... Does anyone know how to use a can opener?'

'Did you get the hard copy from Mr. Dawson?'