Workplace Humorists Pillows

Work Safety - Chemicals.

'I told you the corporate thinking was set in stone.'

"It's a company car. They gave it to me right before I stopped showing up for work."

"Intern? Oh, no. He wandered in from our day care center."

'Well... something makes me think that you want a raise, Mr Johansen...'

Very well, Mr Potter. I blinked first. You're hired.

'I just wanted to let you know, Wilson, that I'll be blaming you for everything until the computers are back up.'

...Meanwhile, over at the pillow factory...

Employment Bureau: Closed Due to Staff Shortages

Clock Co. Billing an & Coo Coo Dept.

"No, he doesn't have an appointment, but he mentioned something about a hard stop at 4:10."

"Looks like we found the issue."

"Is this to make me feel bad for not getting you that laptop?"

Pounding speeds up the computer.

'You forget, I'm a blackbelt in powerpoint.'

'Surely you wouldn't want me to laugh at your joke if I didn't think it was funny!'

"This position has become very important to the company."

"I was hoping this presentation would be more interesting upside down."

"You've got to fill in these forms to join the 'How to reduce bureaucracy' seminar."

'What sort of mission statement is that?'

'It's a chart of office morale. This is where you went on vacation.'

'The check is in the email attachment.'

"Well, ordinary men have colleagues. Successful men have victims."

'Finally! A meeting with one of the bigwigs.'

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

'That's our mission statement.'

"So we are agreed then, most of the targets we've set staff are completely unreasonable and we should just scrap them."

"Another job well done by your conflict resolution specialist."

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

IN box...OUT is wastepaper basket on fire.

'I have a plan 'B' but that's also dependent on a working projector bulb.'

'You're my best man, Pomeroy, so I've decided to sell the damn company.'

"It's clear to me that you want to go far with this company."

"Worst case of month-end burnout I ever saw."