Workplace Dilemmas Pillows

'If he's not back next week, I'm hiring a medium to sack his astral body for a start!'

Bothers my conscience a little bit/May keep me up for a night or two/Am I really stooping this low?

"They want to put up a new cell tower in our neighbourhood?! We don't need more of those radio emission eyesores here! I'm gonna complain... ...as soon as I have better signal strength."

'Your decade of experience is, unfortunately, from the wrong decade.'

Man suffering from rope burn due to climbing the corporate ladder

"Of course I have a life. Not one worth living, mind you."

"You will bargain away what little integrity you have left for what little job security you can gain."

Indecision and Outrage Trays

Career Analyst "Well I've looked at your file and yes, your job is rubbish"

'I feel like I'm in a rut, too!'

The state off graduates literacy levels is shoking and both my coleegues agree that there maths isn't much better!

"What can we do about this leadership course,,," "I don't know,what do you think" "Isn't there anyone we could ask"

Business Sisyphus

"Is that legal? Can the old man force me to take a performance-enhancing drug."

'How can they call it a shared sacrifice in this bad economy...when your pay cut was 10% and mine, 25%?!'

A case of runaway forklift Doctor. Do we offer him any compensation?

"Our policy regarding paid vacations is - if you take a vacation, you'll pay for it."

"After being shorted on his bonus, Earl the maintenance man decided to remove all the toilet paper from the executive washrooms."

'You're the very first employee to register your complaint via my 'open door' policy.'

"No, we don't have a pension plan. We don't expect our employees to ever retire."

"Just pick one!! We're already late!!"

'I'd like to sue my way to success.'

'You're fired. The test results came back and you tested positive for crack.'

'I am sure you will enjoy working here until your inevitable layoff.'

'You can't cash your paychecks until your 6 month probation is satisfactorily over.'

'Bernice . . . could you come in here please? Bring a can of hairspray and a cigarette lighter!'

"His words, not mine."

"Thank you for coming in on your day off, minion. It reflects well on your character." "I thought my job depended on it." "I don't know how you got that impression. I would never force you to come in on your day off. That would be illegal." "You said 'Come in on your day off. Your job depends on it.'" "Rudy, Rudy, Rudy... That's just a figure of speech." "You went on to say 'I mean it. That's not just a figure of speech.'" "That was a figure of speech too."

Mattress makers picketing in front of factory are sleepwalking.

'Ageism at work'

Signs left and right read: High tech/low tech.

"A serf? We don't call you 'serfs' anymore. Nowadas we call you flexibly employed staff members!"

'A raise? Huh! He won't even throw me a bone!'

'We've been given three months notice backdated twelve weeks.'

"I think I'll just leave a hate tip."