Workplace Culture Buff Prints

'What can I do to create a climate where things get done?'

'Sure, you can grow a beard... I like my male staffers to do things that help them with their natural inadequacies.'

'Once the rug cleaners are done, you can go and mark your new office.'

"How’s the coffee, Harding?"

"Sadly, office gossip lags a bit after these business ethics seminars."

'We can't let the girl on work experience go, she is the only one who can change a ink cartridge.'

"It was just a little setback - but the boss had away of making seem much larger."

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

'Williams, we're not used to receiving such excellent ideas as these, so we'd like to tone them down a bit.'

"I wonder if A.I. will inevitably become as tired and depressed as we are."

"My email is down... talk to me."

I'm looking for employees who have their own unique way of seeing things my way.

"Staff support"

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

"I don't want a G.O.A.T, I want a S.C.A.P.E.G.O.A.T."

"Fill out an application? Can't I just text it?"

Do Not Resuscitate

Bo're'droom

'Apparently, Smith's desk just couldn't withstand the weight of the paperwork we piled on his desk.'

"I drink just enough coffee to make me think I can do my job."

A disgruntled employee chain-sawes hois boss's desk in two.Boss says:'Alright Smith, I'll stop referring to the employees as 'oopsy daisies'.'

'What's that? It's a leaving present for the next person who comes in late.'

"I hate performance review season."

'Try and be negative in a positive way.'

"I'm not sure about this new trainee - he asked me when does he get to see the actual ropes."

'Does your mother know you keep a messy office?'

'I went to my boss and demanded the fruits of my labor. He gave me a Blackberry.'

Sign on desk reads: 'Thanks for not wishing me a nice day.'

'Hi - I'm your company perk !'

'The boss said I never made any profits and I never found customers worth mentioning and that's why he promoted me to the company's chief bad example!'

"It's crazy here! They're all on recreational rugs."

'Bit of a staffing problem, Boss. We haven't got any left.'

'I give this one about three months...'

'Here comes the boss. Quick, look busy!'

'Well, I must say I never thought team-building exercises could be such fun.'