Workplace Champion Pillows

Employee of the Month - male.

Businesswoman Empowerment

'It's a chart of office morale. This is where you went on vacation.'

"I've never said this to a woman before, but here goes: We're not paying you enough."

'Take two tablets the moment you begin to feel indispensable.'

37 years in the same position.

"How's your insomnia?" "Bad, I can't even fall sleep during meetings."

'No, I'm not stranded. This is the only place I could find that has no distractions.'

Man sees sign as he exits bathroom: 'Employees Often Wash Hands'.

"See? And you said you couldn't work from home."

"Now, let's get out there and walk really fast to places we don't want to be."

'These are job perks.'

Hand Sanitizer Man, beloved superhero of every workplace in the world.

'How many times have I told to seize the day before it seizes you?'

"One of the advantages of working from home is the free tech support."

'Don't worry about the company's pension plan. The way we work you, you'll be lucky to live that long!'

"You are being overly-defensive again, Brenda!"

"Hiring someone to replace me and then expecting me to train him just doesn't sit well with me."

'Did you just show your teeth at me Wilson?'

'I need to talk to you about the coffee fund.'

'The boss put his picture up to enspire us. But it just isn't having that effect on me.'

'It's 930am ma'am - time to meet the Board of Detractors.'

'Please leave the light on, dear. I'm afraid there might be OSHA inspectors under the bed.' 'Managers at Night.'

'Here's another one that'll make you blow your stack.'

Five doors: Push, Pull, Up High, Down Low, Too Slow.

'Can I call you back, Frank? A giant maggot is eating my desk, people are shooting at me and my hair is on fire.'

'Would you be interested in attending a stress management seminar?'

"Just heading out for a good cry, care to join me?"

Man suffering from rope burn due to climbing the corporate ladder

'Need I remind you who's boss here?'

'Don't bother cleaning out your desk. We'll be hiring you back as a consultant for half the salary and no benefits.'

Work Slave

"I suppose you want the rest of the day off!"

"Call my broker, fax my accountant, and get my groove back."

"They don't pull their punches here, do they."