Workaholic Turned Family Man Pillows

"The sudden resignation caught many by surprise. 'I wish to spend more time with my family,' he said. When contacted, his family replied, 'Who?'"

Woman with kids at husbands office.

'I don't have time for throwing up.'

"Don't open me, you fool!"

"Of course I have a life. Not one worth living, mind you."

Call Your Office

"Stress is often associated with feelings of 'isolation'...It's really important that you see yourself as valued, as useful!"

A father comes home from work and is given a baby.

Decorating with Children

'Still having problems finding day care?'

'This new 4570mhz system with super high-speed dsl internet connection will allow you to work 50% harder and I'll be able to keep in touch with you from my yacht.'

"Your daughter called—you promised to play phone tag with her today."

You missed a spot!

"Amazing how having a six month old baby can motivate you to stay at the office for 16 hours a day!"

"...Also, true love is eventually tax deductible."

"I don't think I'll go in today. I just dreamed a whole day's work, including lunch."

"Mom said to put her on your 'Don't bother me I'm taking a bath' list!"

"Be there in a sec, darling. I just want to touch base with Tiffany."

"The kids were late for school and it just stayed like that."

"Now will you knock it off with all the bird calls?"

Fresh Food and Regurgitated

"The small door's for the dog and the larger one's for the kids."

Today's nervous breakdown occurred yesterday.

A Real Working Vacation.

"There goes Daddy to the park again! And do you know what he does in the park? He sits! That's what he does. He sits! He goes to the park and just sits!"

'His is a working breed.'

"A good employee never stops learning new skills."

'Maybe tomorrow.'

"How hard can it be to emancipate from your children?"

"They have this arrangement. He earns the money and she takes care of the house."

"The boss is on a working vacation and we're on a nonworking vacation."

"Listen to me, John. Tell them this is our final offer."

'My wife won't listen to me, my kids won't listen to me...as my employee, Hawkins, you'd damn well better listen to me!'

"I've never seen you work so hard."