Work Habits Gifts

"How did people waste time before computers?"

"Give a sh*t" "Don't give a sh*t"

"Don't flutter your little wings on company time."

'No, I'm not stranded. This is the only place I could find that has no distractions.'

'Today is the tomorrow I feared yesterday. . .'

'We're just like family. Stop mumbling, Cindy. Straighten up, Fred. Get that hair out of your eyes, Janet...'

"I'm overpaid and underworked, but you don't see me complaining!"

'I'm looking fo someone who can make me laugh.'

'Say, our stress control seminar worked! Our sales are way down...but so what if they are.'

"I can carry more pollen back to the hive that way..."

"Why can't I get anything done unless I'm totally stressed out about it?" "Is it possible to be relaxed and still be productive?" "What is wrong with my brain?" "Why don't you work better?"

"I go that extra mile!"

"You say I can move mountains? Right now,it's all I can do to turn over a new leaf!"

'I solve so many work problems at home.'

Free Range Employees.

"You've all been working very hard lately, and you deserve some time off. I'm giving you all a two-day membership to time-off.com."

"When you're nailing the numbers, they don't ask questions."

He's our ideas man. I can never tell if he's working or not.

"I think I see a miscreant in the carpark. There's no time to call the police I must deal with it myself."

Peacock of Productivity

"I'm a firm believer in distributed leadership. That means that I make all the decisions then you type them up and distribute them to the staff."

Well, we've generated enough hot air...it must be time to cram it in a trial balloon and float it.

"To be honest the culture sucks, but the pay is amazing."

"I decided to treat my employees like friends...now I hate all of them!"

"I can work for twelve straight hours without needing to be recharged."

'I'd like to come home... if I could.'

"Dear Diary... I've stopped smoking, and I'm sticking to my diet."

'Never roll your eyes while the boss is talking.'

Time Clock.

'In keeping with the company's policy on after-hours availability, he'll be buried with his phone.'

"It's his dream job ... "

'Pictures of your family?'

Your talk of promptness seems to have worked - everybody was out of here by one minute after five.

"We're going to try something new next Monday. It's called 'Bring Your Brain to Work Day.'"

"You're one of the short termed employed. You're out of here tomorrow."