Wordsmith's Muse Gifts

Irvine Welsh

"I didn't finish the proof but I did write this poem about my struggle."

Reading my Critics

Stephen Spender.

Nevermore. You don't have to use "air quoths" every time.

"Brilliant cover letter, lousy résumé."

"Swing me with your words."

I often thought that I should have been a weaver of words,someone who danced and sang his way into peoples souls and through my imagination led others into a world of dreams and intoxicating revelry...But auditing offered a much better pension.

Accountant Manqué

Dear Author: We really are tickled by your persistence. Sincerely, The Editors.

Writing the poem was easy: there are lots of words rhyming with "snow"...

Airport

Books vs mobile phones

'Bad dog, stop doing the crossword.'

"Improve your geography results, Perkins or you're history!"

"When I grow up I'm going to be a ghost writer."

One book... One book... One book...

Gore Vidal

Rudyard Kipling

Wussapalooka

Nikolai Alekseevich Klyuev

"See - that's how he's able to write all those plays."

I told you the King wasn't ready for irony!

Mature poet surrounded by young artists passing mature artist surrounded by young poets.

Emily Dickinson

F. Scott Fitzgerald

"Here it is - my novel. I'll be interested to hear your compliments."

Woody Allen

Major Poets, Minor Poets, Free Agents.

Best Seller 'Screw You'. Kiss the Author's Ass 2 PM.

Toni Morrison

Come to bed, Snookums. In a minute. Are you still playing Scrabble? And flaming my opponents. I just crushed an eight-year-old by 100 points and then told him his parents don't love him because he's illiterate! How nice you've found a hobby. I feel so nurtured.

'When I said we should read together I meant separate books.'

"The quality of the writing is an embarrassment, it has no style, no fluency, no soul!"

Chinese kids are much smarter than we are! They just score well on tests. They're grinds. We're creative! We learn to express ourselves! West Fester High School. We'd better learn to express ourselves in Chinese!