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Puzzled sailor consults 'Sea Lingo for Dummies'

'I'm reading aloud, Jeremy - My lips are SUPPOSED to be moving!'

'When we get there let me do the double talking.'

"Too bad about old Ainsworth. Published and published, but perished all the same."

'Are you sure that's the right map?'

Ed Flanders, Deconstruction Worker

Campaign for Plain English

'Darling I want you to remember this always,,,'

Library sections; Fiction, non-fiction and do-it-yourself.

"Whenever he shows up everything turns to crap!"

Thru versus Through Traffic

'The church says the Earth is flat, but I know that it is round for I have seen the shadow on the Moon, and I have more faith in a shadow than in the Church.'

Torturing the English Language

"Meet The Author"

Teacher pointing to P,Q, on board: "OK class, which letter comes next? Redbeard, you should know this."

First Novels.

"She's been so creative lately."

Edgar Allen Poe

"Do me next."

Big Tex Silver Saddle Restaurant advertises 'BBQ, $10, Chatter in a Vanishing Regional Dialect $1.00 Extra.'

"I think I've figured out why we can't find the marina."

"Counsel for prose is overruled. Poetry, you may continue."

'Why can't we have a texting bee?'

Backfire

A Copy Editor and His Dog

Cut Price

"No writers were harmed or mistreated in the preparation of this story."

"Let me slip into something a little more thoughtful."

Someone who knows apostrophes

Why we need poetry. . .

Gone With the Wind: The Beach Blanket

What's normal?

'Are we there yet?'

"I just finished your manuscript and I found the ending delicious."

"It turns out everyone here is self-published."