Wordplay Punster Pillows

"I can't believe this! Is there anyone here who isn't too chicken to jump?"

100 Metres Butterfly

Danger! Falling Rocks, Safes and Pianos.

"Can I borrow the car keys?"

"Staff support"

"Ironically, this is the living room."

"That's the guy I hired to read Proust for me."

"My dad says we eat honey 'cause it has lots of vitamin Bee."

Zombie standup

"Together ideas for couples" "Slap a sandwich together" "Put two and two together" "Pull themselves together" "Rub two sticks together" "Try to hold it together" "String a phrase together"

"I said the males were 'evolving' – I didn't say they were 'maturing.'"

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

Guy at drink stand says to Medium: 'Medium?'

'I'll have the crab cake, and he'll have the crabby cake.'

'You've got bats alright...now we'll just have to determine what kind.'

"I don't want to fork. I just want to spoon."

'I can't force jocose if I'm not feeling it.'

"He's taken buzzed to a whole new level."

"Monsieur, si vous plaît. I'm sure I ordered the fusilli and not the Fusilier."

This is Lenny the leopard with the on-the-spot news.

"It's OK, I'm preordained."

Boneheads! I never said I was bringing ten condiments!

'Oh man I've got a splitting headache.'

It's not because I'm nervous. The reason I'm not eating is because I really do have butterflies in my stomach.

To no ones surprise, they ran head-on into one another. (All couples are wearing teachers reading 'I'm with Stupid'.)

"Has anyone seen the dog?"

"Counsel for prose is overruled. Poetry, you may continue."

"Are your eel rolls electric?"

Backfire

"That's it. We’re toast."

"It's not a party until someone gets plowed."

I'm allergic to parrots, so I got an aaaarrrrdvark.

"Objection, Your Honor! Alleged killer whale."

Molecules You Ought to be Aware of.