Word Play Wizards T-Shirts

'I'd like to roll my account over.', 'We're not responsible for any breakage, you know.'

The state off graduates literacy levels is shoking and both my coleegues agree that there maths isn't much better!

"In the first place, it isn't "maddening crowd.' It's 'madding crowd.' "

"The leadership team wants a catchy acronym for a new social media app they're calling Functional Applied Relationship Tracker. Any suggestions?"

'My penmanship has really improved since I got a laser printer.'

Copycats

"Together ideas for couples" "Slap a sandwich together" "Put two and two together" "Pull themselves together" "Rub two sticks together" "Try to hold it together" "String a phrase together"

Zombie standup

Ed Flanders, Deconstruction Worker

Solicitor speaks legal jargon and has a translator who tells client: 'You haven't a hope!'

Today we'll see some misused or misunderstood financial and economic terms. It's said inflation can hurt the economy. But it's absolutely in the tire business. I bought this warm puffy jacket with cash. A down payment. We like beer and coffee. Our most valuable liquid assets. In a monopoly breakup, the race car would to go one person and the dog to another. And when I become either a buyer or a seller. He's shorting the market!

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

"I said the males were 'evolving' – I didn't say they were 'maturing.'"

"It does have a side effect. You'll faint when I tell you how much it will cost to produce."

"And isn't it time we replaced the worn-out, meaningless cliches in our mission statement with some dazzlingly new meaningless cliches?"

"Whenever he shows up everything turns to crap!"

I will study my speling words...

"Another dry scotch Manhattan, Mike. Make it a double."

'You've got bats alright...now we'll just have to determine what kind.'

"Bah, I could've written a better dénouement in my sleep."

"You're going to hate yourself."

Smart Ass - Wise Ass

Wolf Danny With "Random""The work must be tantamount to mayhem. Making an insatiable public confused, indifferent, annoyed—this is the premise on which rests my deliberately vacuous oeuvre."

"I don't want to fork. I just want to spoon."

"So, what brings you in today, Mr. Brooks? High anxiety again?"

This is Lenny the leopard with the on-the-spot news.

"He's taken buzzed to a whole new level."

'Oh man I've got a splitting headache.'

It's not because I'm nervous. The reason I'm not eating is because I really do have butterflies in my stomach.

QUINTUPLE BYPASSES EXPLAINED.

'Do you have any catsup?'

Assault 'n' Vinegar

1599: Shakespeare's Agent knew what the public wanted

Backfire

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