Word Games Wizard T-Shirts

'The foozler used a teraohm to relume his stogey.'

"In the first place, it isn't "maddening crowd.' It's 'madding crowd.' "

"The leadership team wants a catchy acronym for a new social media app they're calling Functional Applied Relationship Tracker. Any suggestions?"

'My penmanship has really improved since I got a laser printer.'

Copycats

Zombie standup

"Together ideas for couples" "Slap a sandwich together" "Put two and two together" "Pull themselves together" "Rub two sticks together" "Try to hold it together" "String a phrase together"

Ed Flanders, Deconstruction Worker

Solicitor speaks legal jargon and has a translator who tells client: 'You haven't a hope!'

"I said the males were 'evolving' – I didn't say they were 'maturing.'"

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

"It does have a side effect. You'll faint when I tell you how much it will cost to produce."

"Another dry scotch Manhattan, Mike. Make it a double."

"And isn't it time we replaced the worn-out, meaningless cliches in our mission statement with some dazzlingly new meaningless cliches?"

'You've got bats alright...now we'll just have to determine what kind.'

I will study my speling words...

"Bah, I could've written a better dénouement in my sleep."

"You're going to hate yourself."

Smart Ass - Wise Ass

"I don't want to fork. I just want to spoon."

"He's taken buzzed to a whole new level."

"So, what brings you in today, Mr. Brooks? High anxiety again?"

'Oh man I've got a splitting headache.'

It's not because I'm nervous. The reason I'm not eating is because I really do have butterflies in my stomach.

'The plumber said he can't come right now, but promised to put us on his 'wading list'. Cute, huh?'

QUINTUPLE BYPASSES EXPLAINED.

Fast food. Even faster food

"Excuse me, I'm here to do some sole searching."

Assault 'n' Vinegar

1599: Shakespeare's Agent knew what the public wanted

A Copy Editor and His Dog

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'Do you have any catsup?'