Word Play Whiz Gifts

"It's a swearbox."

"The leadership team wants a catchy acronym for a new social media app they're calling Functional Applied Relationship Tracker. Any suggestions?"

Copycats

Zombie standup

"Together ideas for couples" "Slap a sandwich together" "Put two and two together" "Pull themselves together" "Rub two sticks together" "Try to hold it together" "String a phrase together"

"I said the males were 'evolving' – I didn't say they were 'maturing.'"

Today we'll see some misused or misunderstood financial and economic terms. It's said inflation can hurt the economy. But it's absolutely in the tire business. I bought this warm puffy jacket with cash. A down payment. We like beer and coffee. Our most valuable liquid assets. In a monopoly breakup, the race car would to go one person and the dog to another. And when I become either a buyer or a seller. He's shorting the market!

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

"It does have a side effect. You'll faint when I tell you how much it will cost to produce."

'You've got bats alright...now we'll just have to determine what kind.'

"And isn't it time we replaced the worn-out, meaningless cliches in our mission statement with some dazzlingly new meaningless cliches?"

"Whenever he shows up everything turns to crap!"

"Another dry scotch Manhattan, Mike. Make it a double."

Smart Ass - Wise Ass

This is Lenny the leopard with the on-the-spot news.

"I don't want to fork. I just want to spoon."

"He's taken buzzed to a whole new level."

Wolf Danny With "Random""The work must be tantamount to mayhem. Making an insatiable public confused, indifferent, annoyed—this is the premise on which rests my deliberately vacuous oeuvre."

"So, what brings you in today, Mr. Brooks? High anxiety again?"

'Oh man I've got a splitting headache.'

It's not because I'm nervous. The reason I'm not eating is because I really do have butterflies in my stomach.

QUINTUPLE BYPASSES EXPLAINED.

"I'm not weird I'm a 'person of weirdness'."

1599: Shakespeare's Agent knew what the public wanted

'Do you have any catsup?'

Fast food. Even faster food

"It's not a party until someone gets plowed."

This Message Has No Content

Backfire

Frank & Ernie's Diner. Special: Scrabbled Eggs. No, sir, it's not a misprint -- Ernie adds alphabet soup.

"That's it. We’re toast."

"Excuse me, I'm here to do some sole searching."

Assault 'n' Vinegar

A Copy Editor and His Dog

"Objection, Your Honor! Alleged killer whale."