Word Play Warrior T-Shirts

'So much for the 'Eye of the Tiger'.'

Zen VD Clinic - one hand clap

"The leadership team wants a catchy acronym for a new social media app they're calling Functional Applied Relationship Tracker. Any suggestions?"

Copycats

"Together ideas for couples" "Slap a sandwich together" "Put two and two together" "Pull themselves together" "Rub two sticks together" "Try to hold it together" "String a phrase together"

Zombie standup

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

Today we'll see some misused or misunderstood financial and economic terms. It's said inflation can hurt the economy. But it's absolutely in the tire business. I bought this warm puffy jacket with cash. A down payment. We like beer and coffee. Our most valuable liquid assets. In a monopoly breakup, the race car would to go one person and the dog to another. And when I become either a buyer or a seller. He's shorting the market!

"I said the males were 'evolving' – I didn't say they were 'maturing.'"

"It does have a side effect. You'll faint when I tell you how much it will cost to produce."

"And isn't it time we replaced the worn-out, meaningless cliches in our mission statement with some dazzlingly new meaningless cliches?"

"Whenever he shows up everything turns to crap!"

'You've got bats alright...now we'll just have to determine what kind.'

"Another dry scotch Manhattan, Mike. Make it a double."

Smart Ass - Wise Ass

"He's taken buzzed to a whole new level."

"I don't want to fork. I just want to spoon."

"So, what brings you in today, Mr. Brooks? High anxiety again?"

Wolf Danny With "Random""The work must be tantamount to mayhem. Making an insatiable public confused, indifferent, annoyed—this is the premise on which rests my deliberately vacuous oeuvre."

'Oh man I've got a splitting headache.'

It's not because I'm nervous. The reason I'm not eating is because I really do have butterflies in my stomach.

QUINTUPLE BYPASSES EXPLAINED.

"Excuse me, I'm here to do some sole searching."

"I'm not weird I'm a 'person of weirdness'."

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Fast food. Even faster food

Frank & Ernie's Diner. Special: Scrabbled Eggs. No, sir, it's not a misprint -- Ernie adds alphabet soup.

1599: Shakespeare's Agent knew what the public wanted

Assault 'n' Vinegar

A Copy Editor and His Dog

"It's not a party until someone gets plowed."

"That's it. We’re toast."

'Do you have any catsup?'

"Objection, Your Honor! Alleged killer whale."

EWE 2.