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Plato's Republic as it was written and as it would have been written if Plato's academy had invested in a good word processor,

Campaign for Plain English

Reading my Critics

Rejected Titles For The Canadian National Anthem.

"That was totally....what's the word I'm looking for?"

'I made a good grade in creative writing, but I didn't do very well in creative spelling.'

'There it is, 'Twerk', right next to 'Twerp'.'

Ruddy bloggers!

'He was a great writer'

"O.K., she's sitting fown to write in three...two....one...."

Jorge Luis Borges

Best Seller

"I lost some intellectual property here last night. Anybody remember what the hell I was talking about?"

THE REPORT: Some of this is brilliant, but that can be fixed.

'Not now, dear, I'm trying to listen to the Muse.'

"I know R&D feels that the product warrants at least two 'really'."

"Remorse sits in my stomach like a piece of stale bread. How does that sound?"

Bee to bee: 'We used buzzwords before they were trendy.'

'Ed is a man of few words. And few letters.'

'It's okay sir, I'm private Johnson.'

"Caption contest"

"But you didn't say they had to make sense - you just told us to write a thousand words a day."

'Yes I think we did go to school together. Wasn't you the old headmistress?'

Writing the poem was easy: there are lots of words rhyming with "snow"...

Dear Author: We really are tickled by your persistence. Sincerely, The Editors.

"I love you, I'll follow you to the ends of the earth, but I'm through getting slippers for someone who hasn't published anything since 1997."

Weapens of Mass Instruction

Snail: 'Do you mean to tell me I'm not a credible author?!'

"My creative writing professor suggested that I write about what I know...from my own experience!"

'This is all without rhyme or reason.'

A Poet

Collected works

"Here's a draft of my speech, Accounts Receivable as Collateral When Obtaining Asset Based Lending. Make it pop."

'I want my ideas called 'concepts' not 'notions'.'

'Oh-oh -- I think I've invented writer's block!'