Witty Strategist Gifts

"Oh, this Clyde. He's my anti-bullying campaign."

So what happens when you told Armstrong you wouldn't recite that Sinclair Broadcasting script? Oh, nothing. Sinclair sued me for everything I own, that's all. But the joke's on them: I've set up different LLC's for every aspect of my life. So all they could get were the assets of the LLC that they paid. This opens up a whole world of possibilities. I knew forming Rudy-has-next-to-nada LLC was a good idea. I am going to miss my ten cents and my broken wiffle ball, though.

"The new chairman has dropped the brain-storming meetings."

'I've tried all night without potting a ball.' - 'Try taking away the wooden frame.'

'They help with my nicotine patch addiction.'

'How do you like my fantasy weekend so far?'

'Tomorrow's special is fish, so wear the flounder suit.'

"So what's this special distracting tactic you've developed?"

'She'll never look for me here.'

'You both know the rules -- walk 1 paces, turn, and tee off on each other.'

"Or we could raise your profile by coming out with that pimple on the end of your nose."

"My favorite tea: hot daffodil-infused chamomile with a hint of whiskey. Are you serious? Of course I'm serious! I've been dosing myself with small quantities of poisonous daffodil ever since 1931. You have to build up an immunity if you want to survive in the cutthroat world of Scrabble tournaments."

'This will be tough. The parents can handle Bs and Cs, but I really gotta spin this D in math.'

'It works all the time: Light a candle and dinner comes to you...'

'Now listen: Based on the position of the kennel and the length of the leash, only the shaded part of the garden is dangerous...'

'I am constantly diversifying my toy portfolio.'

"And when conventional theories don't work, we've got Charnier here to do us a spot of voodoo marketing."

'Oh, and one more thing

"Game of checkers? Okay, but I'm watching every move you make."

"Saturn. No contest. A deadly, treacherous gas giant ringed by a gossamer halo of ice. It symbolizes both death and life. Both evil and good. It symbolizes existence itself."

"My mommy suggested I try a different advertising approach."

Noughts and crosses hugging and kissing.

"This may seem counter intuitive, but maybe the solution is to lighten up."

'All my children have been successful. Frank here is in the Oval Office.'

If cartoonists fought wars.

"We're making progress."

CX909708

'If you know what's good for you Allan, you'll let me pass.'

BUSINESS PRESCHOOL

The Death Star gets a marketing makeover.

"I'm in advertising. . ."

"This'll look great on my transcript!"

"The answer isn't more troops—what you need is an antibiotic."

'You really have no idea what you're doing do you?'

"Timing is everything. I recommend that you act now before the authorities discover I've escaped."