Witty Negotiator Pillows

"I'll listen for a dollar."

'This is your list for Santa?? A corvette? A 50' TV?. . . If you don't become an ambulance chasing lawyer. . . you've missed your calling.'

"Idea?" "No. Just a light bulb."

"I see we're going up against the Big Guys."

'But, Mom. Think of all the leftovers he can thankfully eliminate.'

'She flunked me, but I plea-bargained my way up to a C-plus!'

"I do. Have your people contact my people to hammer out the details."

"Stock options won't do it. I'll also need a ball of yarn."

"I love it when your eyes blaze like that; you remind me of Moses."

Crow and fox

"Darling, do you ever worry that we're becoming some sort of Merchant-Ivory production?"

'Even though you're the client, it's my duty to tell you you're wrong. . . Ok then. Speak slowly so I can write down your every whim.'

"Do excuse me, I've got a nuttiness allergy."

Jokes machine.

LEMONADE, 'Actually, I hate places like this.'

"Are we ‘still working’? No, we’re still eating. You, however, are ‘still working’—now get lost!"

The Algonquin Round Table

"Well, so far I'm managing to stay above the fray."

"I'll trade you my cupcake for your head lice."

"All this is mine now! I had my lawyers declare you incompetent!"

"Virginia Woolf meets 'Car Talk.'"

"I just called to say I love you, but come to think of it - can I borrow some money?"

Bat out of Hell

"You should hire me now, before my skills completely deteriorate."

"So, what is your star sign?"

"Tell her I'm exercising my twenty-first amendment rights."

'The bar association barred me from going before the bar...So I came to a bar.'

"I learned that I'm more of a leaf pile jumper and less of a leaf pile raker."

"Have you ever licked cream off a woman's body?"

'If I eat three more pieces of meat and three more spoonfuls of peas, I want three puddings after!'

"My therapist says you have to at least meet me half way."

"Try the fish. It's brain food"

'My favorite position? Chairperson of the Board.'

"I don't think you can claim that Martin Amis plaguerised your work just because you both used the words 'to','if' and 'but' on page 46."

"I usually only fist-bump on the first deal but what the heck."